Normal Things with Sherlock
by Bitterfruit93
Summary: Just imagine Sherlock with the most normal things you can imagine, then you know what kind of little fragments of stories will be put up here.
1. Silvester with Sherlock

**Hey guys,**

**so this is my new project, it´s mostly for fun and just to imagine Sherlock in the most normal things you can imagine. I am open for ideas so just PM me or leave a comment with a suggestion. ^^**

**I don´t know yet, if it will contain Sherlock/John in the future. Maybe, maybe not :D**

**So enjoy and I would be happy about every little comment.**

**Bitterfruit**

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><p>Silvester with Sherlock<p>

Sherlock had just finished a very thrilling case with Lestrade, which had robbed him of any kind of sleep for the last three days. John hadn´t been able to go with him, because of the flu epidemic that had suddenly started to go around.

So everything Sherlock wished for, was a shower, some tea and his bed. Nothing else.

He opened the door to 221 B and noted mentally, that Mrs Hudson was out and John seemed to have guests over. The tall man trudged up the stairs, opened the door to the flat and...

... was greeted by Anderson (the most stupid person in the room), Donavan, Lestrade, John, his current girlfriend and Mycroft. They all looked at him expectantly, but Sherlock just shrugged his coat of and stumbled into his bedroom.

A shower and tea were overrated. Sleeping was the most logical decision right now, thought Sherlock. The consulting detectiv stripped his clothes of, put his night clothes on and climbed into his bed.

A soft knock on the door interrupted the tall mans plans to fall asleep immediately. He sighed completely exhausted and asked:

"What is it?"

"Sherlock, it´s Silvester, don´t you want to party and welcome the new year with us?", John asked through the door.

"Noooo...", Sherlock slurred and put a pillow over his head to drown out the unnecessary noises in the background.

"But Sherlock! It´s Silvester!"

John could hear something hit the door, probably a pillow and gave up. A tired Sherlock was a stubborn Sherlock even on holidays.


	2. Sherlock s Birthday

**Hey everybody :D**

**So first thanks for the first suggestions, I started a list and yeah, we will see. ^^ Oh and yes, it´s Silvester for us europeans :D I think it comes from the Saint Silvester as I remember.**

**And because today is Sherlock´s birthday, I have this for you. I hope you like it and Comments are like always welcome.**

**Have a nice day**

**Edit: Corrected some things, sorry for the "Mommy".**

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><p>Sherlock´s Birthday<p>

Today was Sherlock´s birthday and the tall man was behaving very strangely.

John had only come to know about his flatmates birthday after Mrs Hudson had come to gratulate Sherlock this morning. Because of that the doctor was really embarrassed and tried to make it up to him with planning a surprise birthday party for his flatmate.

But John still didn´t have a chance to escape the flat secretly because of Sherlock´s more than usually abnormal behaviour.

Sure, Sherlock never acted normal, but he never acted like this!

Cleaning and wearing his best suit doing so, was hardly usual for the consulting detectiv.

And cleaning he was, putting away all his messy paper stacks, sorting the books back into the book shelf, dusting and wiping off all the surfaces, covering the bullet holes and the smiley with a very big picture of a yawning bulldog, vacuuming the whole flat and washing all the dirty dishes in the kitchen. It was amazing and Sherlock worked very effeciently.

"Sherlock, why are you cleaning the flat suddenly? You never clean the flat.", asked John, he was slowly getting worried around the time Sherlock started throw out his precious body parts.

"She will be upset with me, if I don´t.", answered Sherlock and walked away with pink rubber gloves, a sponge and a bucket full of fresh water. The tall man disappeared into the bathroom and John used his chance to get out of the flat to organize the party.

First he talked to Mrs Hudson about the food. She promised to make a big chocolate cake with jam. They decided to order food from Sherlock´s favorite restaurant.

After John had solved that problem, he had started to make a list for possible guests. The list was very short...

John phoned Lestrade first, the D.I. was something like a friend to Sherlock and would surely say yes. But Lestrade reclined hastily, which made John suspicious. Why would Lestrade not want to come to Sherlock´s party? The doctor asked for an explanation, but got only a very stupid excuse from Lestrade, that he needed to work now and would talk to him later.

Second on John´s party list was Mycroft. Sure, Sherlock hated his brother, but he was part of his family and cared for his brother.

"I am already on my way, John."

"Really? Why?"

"I have a special guest with me.", answered Mycroft and John could almost see the smug grin of Mycroft through the phone.

"Okay, than see you soon."

After that John had only one task left. A present. He needed a present for Sherlock. But he didn´t know what!

John couldn´t muse over his problem any longer, as Mycroft knocked on the front door and he had to open it.

"Good day, John.", Mycroft said and John stepped aside to let him in.

"Please, come in." Mycrofts special guest was non other than Mommy Holmes.

She was a tall proud woman in her late fifties, she had long curly black hair with silver strands and was wearing a very expensive looking costume. Her eyes were the same piercing blue as Sherlocks, but the only thing that wasn´t the same was the big warm smile on her face. She was a very attractive mature woman and John froze for a moment, before he started to react to the new guest.

"Hello, my name is John Hamish Watson, I am Sherlock´s flatmate." She smiled and extended her hand to him, whom he kissed politely.

"I am Appolonia Holmes. It´s nice to finally meet you after Mycroft told me so much about yours and Sherlock´s adventures." They walked up the stairs to the flat and were greeted by a frantic Sherlock, putting a tablet full of fresh tea onto the couch table.

"Sherlock, my boy, come here and give your Mummy a hug!", she said enthusiastically and Sherlock immediately moved forward to pull her into a hug and even kissed her cheek.

"Welcome, Mummy. I was already waiting for you to arrive.", replied Sherlock, he leaded her to the cozy armchair next to the fireplace and gave her a cup of tea with exactly two sugar cubes.

"Thank you, dear. It´s so nice to see you again." Sherlock got flustered and suddenly his shoes were very interesting. John had to stiffle a laugh and even Mycroft seemed to be amuzed by Sherlocks display of affection for his mother.

"I got a present for you. It´s a very old pocket watch. I hope you will treat her well." It was an old golden pocket watch with beautiful ornaments.

"Thank you, Mommy."

"I still remember, when you had your 6th birthday and you wanted to be a pirate, so I had to buy you a sword. It was so cute! I think I still have a picture somewhere at home." Sherlock blushed and John couldn´t stop himself and started to laugh.

"Mycroft, just one question, do you know why Lestrade didn´t come?", asked John the older Holmes brother. The man with the umbrella just grinned and answered.

"It seems like our mother has a crush on Lestrade. She thinks, that he is a very fine and noble man and always wants to take him with her back to the manor." John was shocked and Mycroft winked at him mischiviously. Now he could understand, why Lestrade didn´t want to come.

They talked and ate together. Mrs Holmes and Mrs Hudson were on the same wave length and immediately hit it off. Discussing the different types of herbal tea and Sherlock´s behaviour around people.

After everybody finally left the flat, Sherlock sunk down on his armchair and sighed with complete exhaustion. John smiled at him. Sherlock had actually behaved and had been really nice through the whole day. Still the good doctor didn´t have a present for his flatmate, but as he saw him sitting there tired, but with a satisfied smile on his face, he knew what Sherlock needed.

The exsoldier came back after five minutes with a steaming cup of tea for Sherlock. He put it down in front of him, patted him on the shoulder and said:

"Happy Birthday, Sherlock."

And Sherlock thought, it was the best gift this year.


	3. The Funeral

**Hey again,**

**so today is a funeral, I was just in the mood to write it. Suggestions are still welcome (just leave a comment with the suggestion). I promise the next one will be more funny and fluffy.**

**Have a nice day and reviews are certainly welcome.**

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><p>The Funeral<p>

"Sherlock, your father is dead.", John said. He was still holding his mobile phone in his hand and seemed rather shocked. The doctor hadn´t even known that Sherlock´s father was still alive.

"The old man is dead, huh? Finally the devil claimed his soul.", replied Sherlock with a rather nonchalant attitude and continued playing a soft tune on his violin.

"Sherlock! He was your father and now he is dead! How can you say something like that!" His own father had been loving and caring, he had been the one that had encouraged him to become a doctor and work in the army.

"John, please, didn´t you wonder, why my mother didn´t mention my father at all on my birthday?"

"I did wonder, but..."

"Yes, you didn´t want to be overly curious. They broke up long ago, living apart. He didn´t want a divorce, because my father had a reputation to keep up... When did Mycroft say was the funeral?"

"In two days.", answered John and still couldn´t understand the indifference of his friend.

Sherlock was wearing formal clothes to the funeral. Completely black, just like Mycroft. Mummy Holmes was dressed in a long black dress and wearing one of those hats with a mourning veil. There were many other guests. Politicians, owners of big companies, reporters and what seemed like the rest of the Holmes family.

John was watching the whole funeral from afar, because it didn´t feel right for him to attend to a funeral of a man, he hadn´t even known. He wanted to keep a close eye on Sherlock, he still couldn´t believe that he acted so "normal" after hearing about his fathers death. But after all Sherlock never spoke about his family.

"And now some words from those he loved most. May their words ease the pain of the mourning family and friends.", said the priest and stepped back. Appolonia moved forwards a white rose in her hands, clutching it with trembling hands.

"He was my husband for many years. He gave me my two wonderful sons and for that I will be forever grateful." She gently placed the rose on the coffin and stepped back.

Mycroft was the next one to step forward. He was holding a white lilie and just placing it on the dark wood of the coffin. He had no words to say to his father. After all he never liked what Mycroft had to say.

Then Sherlock moved forward. He also was holding a white lilie in his hand and almost dumping it on the lid.

"I am your biological son, but not even once were you my father.", he said with a cold voice and his blue eyes glimmered silvern. His mother made a tutting sound, but even Mycroft couldn´t contradict Sherlock´s words. He had simply said the truth.

Appolonia started crying as the coffin sank down into the earth. Sherlock and Mycroft just stared as if nothing special happened. Actually Mummy Holmes was the only one crying.

A little while later they were all sitting in Mycroft´s manor and drinking tea and John finally asked, why Sherlock didn´t grief over his fathers death.

"Because he wasn´t my father, John. I can´t mourn for someone I didn´t even know.", explained Sherlock, sipping his tea.

"Sherlock is right. He was a stranger to us. Our father wasn´t interested in his sons. He only spoke to us, when we had to be punished." Sherlock smiled a melancholic smile at Mycroft´s description.

"He was never there for us, when we really needed him. Our mother was a prisoner of him. She didn´t really love him. The marriage had been a set up by her parents for more money and power. And now she is finally free."


	4. Wisdom Teeth

**Hey guys, sorry for the delay, but my Laptop died and I need some time to make it work again ^^**

**Also yesterday we probably all saw the last episode of series 2 and I had the luck to not see the last 10 minutes, because my livestream died... So I cried because I missed the ending xD That´s why I wanted to write something funny, but I don´t really know if this one is funny so I would really like to have some reviews (and suggestions for more parts).**

**Enjoy :D**

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><p>Wisdom Teeth<p>

"I read thome thingth about withdom teeth and all thay, that you don´t have to remove the withdom teeth, ath long ath they don´t make trouble. That meanth that I don´t have them to be remove becauth they don´t make trouble.", lisped Sherlock with his badly swollen cheeks.

"Yeah, Sherlock, that is true, but you got an infection in one of them. Your cheeks are swollen and you were complaining the whole day about the pain. That´s why the dentist wanted to remove them all, so you will have no trouble with them in the future." They were sitting in the waiting room of the dentist and John inwardly grinned smugly. Sherlock was just scared of removing the wisdom teeth, but didn´t want to admit it.

"It´th jutht an infection, it will go away after thome time."

"Sherlock, it won´t go away, it could even get worse!", exclaimed John and grabbed one of the thousand year old magazines from the small desk next to his chair.

"Thure, read the thtupid magathineth inthtead of going home with me. I don´t need them to be removed." Sherlock flinched when he closed his mouth and rubbed one of his swollen cheeks. John rolled his eyes in response.

"Yes, sure, I see how the infection just goes away."

"Mr Sherlock Holmes, please.", called a friendly looking nurse with a clipboard in her hands. Sherlock didn´t move, he really didn´t want to.

"Sherlock, come on. It won´t take long.", said John and started to read his magazine again.

"No!"

"Sherlock! Don´t argue with me!", replied the doctor with a stern tone and finally Sherlock left with the friendly nurse.

They arrived back in their flat two hours later with a grumpy Sherlock. The doctor had read every magazine in the waiting room and felt pretty bad for his pale friend. But the consulting detectiv ignored John´s attempts to make him comfortable and instead sulked on the couch.

John just sighed and started to write on his next blog entry. Some time later Sherlock walked into the kitchen. The doctor could hear Sherlock opening the fridge and then loud cursing.

Immediately he jumped up and ran into the kitchen.

"What happened, Sherlock?" His flatmate was rubbing his sore cheeks and grimacing because of the pain.

"I can´t even open my damn mouth!", said Sherlock, he had wanted to shout that out loud, but he couldn´t open his mouth wide enough without pain to do so.

"That´s normal. Come on, what did you want in the kitchen anyway?"

"Thomething to drink."

"Okay, wait a moment, I think we still have straws somewhere. They make it easier to drink for you." The older man was searching through the kitchen cabinets and finally found the package of old plastic straws. He handed Sherlock one and he gladly accepted it.

"Does it hurt?" The consulting detectiv just nodded and sat down on the couch again, drinking his milk with the straw and staring at the television screen. He looked a little bit lost and like he needed a hug.

The doctor sat down next to Sherlock with painkillers and two icepacks in his hands, handing both the consulting detective. The tall man took the pills and put the icepacks on each cheek. He sighed relieved, the icepacks felt wonderful on his hot cheeks.

After that John pulled him into a bear hug and reassured his friend:

"You will feel better soon, just rest, while I make us something to eat."


	5. Making Dinner

**Hey guys,**

**So BloodyRosie suggested Sherlock cooking a meal and that´s what I think that would happen. I am still open for suggestions for real :D**

**Anyway, please enjoy, have a good laugh and please leave a review for me.**

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><p>Making Dinner<p>

Sherlock was hungry... But John and Mrs Hudson were both out, so nobody could make him food, which would mean, that he himself had to cook.

The doctor would be back in thirty minutes, surely he would appreciate a warm meal when he came home. Even Mrs Hudson would probably fancy not cooking for once.

The consulting detective pushed up his shirtsleeves and strided into the kitchen.

Cooking was almost like mixing up chemicals, even when that sometimes endet in an explosion, but what could explode when you cook?

So first things first, what should he cook? There were noodles, tomato sauce, vegetables, fruits and several different kinds of spices.

When he would cook the noodles, cut up the vegetables and heat up the tomato sauce, he could make somthing delicious for the human taste buds. With the spices he could make it taste even better! A wonderful experiment!

And like this Sherlock began to cook, putting t he noddles into ice cold water, because he wanted to know what would happen, if he heated the water up after putting the noodles in. He cut the vegetables, but didn´t clean them or peel them. And the tomato sauce was put into the microwave to minimize the time to heat it up.

In the end, he put everything into a pot, mixed it up and set it onto the table. John would be back in two minutes and ten seconds. Enough time to set the table.

When John came home he was shocked. The microwave was smoking and the smell in the kitchen was awful. The "thing" that Sherlock called food, looked pretty suspicious, but he looked so proudly at his own creation, that John sat down with a sigh and let Sherlock put a portion on his plate.

"Please, enjoy the meal, John. I even left something over for Mrs Hudson.", said Sherlock proudly.

"Why don´t you eat something too?"

"No, no, I want to see the expression, when you taste my wonderful food.", replied Sherlock honestly and sat down opposite of John. The doctor put a bit onto his spoon and ate it slowly, just to freeze at the awful taste. He really had to come up with everything he could to not spit it out immediately. Regretfully he gulped it down and fixated Sherlock.

"You don´t like it.", stated Sherlock.

"No, no, it tastes good, look I even will eat more!", he ate another spoonful and his stomach already started to rebel.

"You are lying!" Sherlock jumped up from his chair and put a portion for himself on the plate.

"I will test it myself!", he exclaimed and ate a huge spoonful, just to spit it out again, "Okay, it really tastes awful, why did you eat it anyway?"

"Because it´s polite?"

"But I thought friends are honest to each other?", asked Sherlock a bit confused.

"Okay, I will be honest, your food makes me puke."

"Oh, it´s not that bad, John, don´t exaggerate."

"I don´t exaggerate! I have to puke so move it!" The doctor jumped up and sprinted to the bathroom to empty his stomach into the toilet. Sherlock followed his flatmate and listened to the retching sounds through the closed door.

"Sorry, John, it was probably because of the ingredients." Sherlock could hear John laugh, before the retching started again.

"The ingredients? Sherlock, you are just the most awful cook I know and not because of the ingredients, I bought!"

"I am sure... it were the ingredients.", mumbled Sherlock, before he reclined himself to the couch. John or Mrs Hudson could clean up, he had to think about, why his cooking hadn´t tasted good.


	6. Sleep Deprivation

**Hey,**

**so this was also a suggestion, and sure, it doesn´t sound really normal, but what is really normal with Sherlock?**

**Anyway I am happy about suggestions and reviews (of course!)**

**Enjoy :D**

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><p>"Sherlock, are you sure, that you shouldn´t lie down for a moment? You don´t look so good.", asked John a very pale and tired looking Sherlock on their way to the next case. They had just finished the last one three hours ago, but Lestrade needed Sherlock´s help and the consulting detectiv couldn´t say no to a riddle and indeed a riddle this case was.<p>

"No, I want to see Elisabeth McBain´s corpse. I need to know w ho would kill someone like that. Seating her in a bath with poisened water and then cutting her wrists placing them outside of the bath. There is no method, no form!", replied Sherlock ecstatic.

Elisabeth McBain was a famous singer, but she didn´t like to appear in the public eye and led a very private life with her husband Mark McBain. Rumors said, that she would never sing again in the future and it seemed like for once the rumors were true.

"But you haven´t slept for three days! And you don´t eat, when you are on a case, which means your body will soon have no energy left and you will probably collapse."

"Yes, I am aware of that possiblity, John. But nothing like that will happen, when I was young, I once didn´t sleep for four days."

"When you were young, but you are older now." Sherlock shrugged and yawned. He had black rings under his eyes and they were bloodshot.

"We are here. Let me solve this riddle and then I will go sleep, doctor." Sherlock opened the door of the cab, while John paid and was greeted by D.I. Lestrade in the entrance of the big manor of Elisabeth McBain.

"Good evening, Sherlock... You look tired, are you okay?"

"Why does everybody keep asking me that? Of course I am okay and now show me the corpse." Lestrade moved to the stairs to the upper floor and Sherlock followed him a bit slower. His steps weren´t full of energy anymore and every step was exhausting.

When the finally reached the upper floor the consulting detective needed some moments to catch his breath and finally enter the crime scene. Anderson and Donavan were already there and staring at Sherlock.

"What´s the freak doing here? I told you already, Lestrade, she was murdered!", exclaimed Anderson and Sherlock just sighed, ignored the idiot and examined the crime scene closely.

The bathroom of the manor was luxurious and modern as the rest of the manor. The bathtub was huge and still filled with a lightly green liquid. The air in the room smelled like freshbrewed tea and the strange smell made Sherlock slightly dizzy.

Then there was the corpse of course. Elisabeth McBain was a very pretty and slim woman, the loss of the blood through the cuts on her wrists made her appear even more fragile and pale then she already was. She was sitting relaxed in an upright position, her slim arms dangling over the edge of the young woman´s eyes were closed and she was smiling like the death was something nice.

"What kind of poison was it?"

"We don´t know that yet, but we think it could be a natural poison, because of the smell."

"Yes, yes that´s true. But we don´t need to test it anymore.", Sherlock held up a small bottle with a label that said "Angel Trompets Extract".

"Atropin poisoning."

"Very good, Anderson, you finally seem to grow a brain." Anderson huffed, but Sherlock just ignored him again.

"It was suicide."

"What? Suicide? Why would a famous and wanted singer like Elisabeth McBain want to kill herself?", asked Lestrade, "And why poison and cut yourself?"

"That we have to ask Mr McBain.", said Sherlock nochalant and stepped out of the bathroom. The husband was waiting in his office and Sherlock sat down on the chair opposite of the man. He stiffled a yawn and rubbed his forehead. He was slowly getting a headache.

"Mr McBain, why did your wife kill herself?" Mark McBain was a very reserved looking man. He seemed to grieve, but longer than only three hours.

"So someone already figured it out?", asked the man and even smiled a little bit, "That´s what she wanted. Elisabeth was sick. She had cancer and it was terminal. My beautiful Elisabeth didn´t want to die on a hospital bed, instead she wanted it to be a mystery. And it is even now, I don´t know why she used Atropin and cut herself."

"I know why. Atropin is a very deadly poison, but it´s also used as a drug. The user can expirience hallucinations and the usual happy feeling. You and she had sex before she died, the still lightly bruised lips and the slowly starting to show bruises on her hips are indications for that. The poison invaded her blood system through the natural injuries one receives from "violent" sex. The cuts were just for show, there wasn´t enough blood for her to die from that."

"That was unexpected, but not impossible.", said John.

"Yes, John. So Lestrade, why exactly weren´t you able to solve this case? It was so easy, I didn´t even need to really deduct anything.", asked Sherlock and moved, so he could stand up. His knees felt slightly wobbly and his eyesight didn´t seem as sharp as just minutes ago. The case, as easy as it had been, had drained him from all his energy and the fatigue was catching up to him.

"Yeah, yeah, Sherlock, I know, we are all really dumb.", replied Lestrade with a sigh. Sherlock smiled and wanted to move forward, but his legs gave away and John had to help him back on his feet. Sherlock was heavily leaning on the doctor´s side and feeling awful.

"I think, you had enough for the next days.", exclaimed John, Sherlock just nodded and let John help him to the already waiting cab.

"221 B Bakerstreet, please.", ordered John and the cab started to move.

"No work for the next few days, Sherlock." Normally Sherlock would answer with something eccentric, like sleep was overrated, but no answer came.

"Sherlock? Did you hear me?" John looked at his flatmate. Sherlock was slumped against the windows cab and the soft rising and falling of his chest indicated that Sherlock was finally asleep. John smiled.

Even a consulting detective needed sleep, but only after his work was done.


	7. Shopping for Clothes

**Hey everybody,**

**so the next chapter is out and it was a suggestion from haveacreamteaonme . I am always open for new suggestions, just write it in a review or a PM.**

**Please enjoy this one and have nice day :D**

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><p>Shopping for Clothes<p>

Sherlock sighed, so it had come to this again. All his clothes were ruined by acids, had holes in them, were bloodied, torn or had been burned for experiments.

Even his beloved dressing gown was ruined, which meant that he had to go cloth shopping. John accompanied his flatmate, because he himself needed some new jumpers, whom had also been destroyed by Sherlock.

But the problem was - not that it was a real problem, it was a problem for John but not for Sherlock – that Sherlock was only shopping in expensive shops, like Ugo Noss and Molce&Banana.

"Mister Holmes! Welcome in our shop, how may we help you today?", asked the friendly staff. She seemed to know Sherlock from earlier shopping tours.

"Hello, Felicia, still single? I am sure you will soon find a suitable man for you side. Could you please bring the usual and a new dressing gown? That would be nice thank you." The consulting detectiv made a shoo shoo gesture and the young woman scrambled to get everything that Sherlock wanted.

"Sherlock! What are we doing here? We don´t have enough money to pay for such expensive clothes!", whispered John to Sherlock, while they waited for Felicia to come back. He didn´t like to be in such a noble shop, when he didn´t have the money to buy anything.

"Oh, we have, John. The trust fund of my parents will be enough to cloth us both."

"Trust fund?", asked John shocked and already a bit furry.

"Yes, my trust fund. I have it since I was small."

"You have a trust fund and you didn´t tell me about that?"

"Sure, my family has money, why shouldn´t I have a trust fund, John?" John was really getting mad now, Sherlock bloody Holmes had a trust fund and he still had to pay for all their bills? His face was red and he was sure that he had popped a vein in that moment.

"And when exactly, Sherlock, did you want to tell me about that?", growled the usually very friendly doctor. Sherlock grabbed some shirts and made his way over to the changing rooms.

"You never asked."

"But that´s not important here. We have enough money and I still pay the bills?"

"You also didn´t ask me about that." John exploded.

"Oh, I will show you, how I won´t ask! I won´t ask how much this costs... or this! Or this! And you will pay for all these with your bloody trust fund." He held up expensive cashmire jumpers with beautiful patterns each cost over 150 pounds.

"Okay, John. Take what you want." John stared after Sherlock and started to pick out the things he wanted. This was a chance once in a livetime, Sherlock Holmes paying for his clothes! He had to used as a long as it lasted.

In the end, Sherlock paid a total of 3012,56 pounds. He even had found a new suitable dressing gown and was already eager to wear it as soon as possible.

"But this time, Sherlock, please! Don´t burn, tore or do anything else, that would destroy these clothes."

"As you wish John.", replied Sherlock absentmindetly. He was already planning his next experiment.

It had something to do with cashmere and how it would react to being washed in a dishwasher.


	8. In the Zoo

**Hey everybody,**

**sorry for the delay, I was in a kinda... inspiration slump. Suggestions are like always welcome, just give me a bit time to get ideas how to write them down. ^^ Just write them down in a review or PM me.**

**I really want to go to that zoo now...**

**Enjoy and review please**

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><p>In the Zoo<p>

The ZLS Zoo London had many different kinds of animals. There were lemurs, otters, lions, monkeys and many more. But today, it was accomodating the one and only consulting detective and his best friend Dr. Watson because of a case. Currently they were standing in front of the pygmy hippos, which were yawning and looking entirely too innocent for such dangerous animals. Sherlock was making the "I-know-it-and-you-should-know-it-too"-face and John once again, didn´t understand what his best friend meant.

"Sherlock! Stop making that face and tell me already, why we are here!", said John and looked around. Everywhere were happy kids and caring parents looking at the animals and making photos.

"Because, my dear John, of a very skilled thief.", answered Sherlock and looked around.

"A thief? Why didn´t I hear of a thief in the zoo?"

"That, John, is a very simple question and you should already know the answer. Think about it, when a zoo makes it official, that they have a problem with a thief, do you really think there would be this many visitors here? Certainly not."

"So they asked you to find the thief."

"Yes." Sherlock walked away from the hippos and slowly made his way to the next animals. He was more observing the people than the beauty of the different animals. For example there was this really nosy kid always wanting to see the next animal and squealing loudly disturbing the other visitors. Or the old man, who was just sitting on a bench in front of the meercats enclosure and watching them with a slight smile on his lips about the funny antics of some of the animals.

"And for what exactly are we searching, Sherlock?"

"For a very young or very small thief, quite skilled, he comes here regularly and never leaves without a purse or a watch."

"Okay, and why exactly do you think he will be here today?"

"I already said why, John. He has a pattern and he always comes here regularly."

"Yes, right, I forgot... Hey, look! There are even mongooses here!", John said and hurried over to their enclosure to watch the small animals. Sherlock sighed and made his way over to his companion.

"It has been years since I was last was in a zoo! We should do that more often, Sherlock."

"It´s because of a case, John. I don´t have time for a trivial thing like a zoo."

"You could conduct experiments about the behaviour of some of the animals."

"For that I only need to get myself a book from the library."

"Sherlock, you really are no fun at all."

"Thank you, John.", Sherlock ignored the sigh of his friend and watched around. The thief had to be somewhere, somewhere close... There he was!

Sherlock didn´t say a word to John, he just started to run after a small boy, who was desperately trying to get away. But Sherlock was an adult, had more strength and stamina than the little boy and catched him easily on the scruff of his neck.

"Hello, little boy. I think you have something, that isn´t really yours." But instead of confessing his deeds the boy began to cry and scream for his mommy. His mother of course soon spotted the both of them and came over. With every step she took her face got more red and when she finally reached Sherlock she looked like a very very mad Godzilla ready to kill the consulting detective.

"What are you doing with my boy?", she asked, more screamed and snatched the crying boy out of the black-haired mans hands.

"He is a thief."

"No, my son is not a thief! Are you crazy?" Had she been a dragon, Sherlock would have been ash by now. The boy slowly calmed down and smiled mischiviously at Sherlock and even showed him the stolen purse.

"But look! That´s not his purse in his hands!", tried Sherlock to defend his actions.

"No, no, mommy, I didn´t steal the purse, I found it and wanted to return it."

"Liar!"

"M´not a liar!" The mother stepped forward and slapped Sherlock, hard.

"My son is not a thief, stay away from him or I swear you will regret it." She stepped away, the boy at her side and huffed about crazy man trying to abduct her kid.

"That, Sherlock, was so hilarious!", said John from behind a very pissed Sherlock.

"Shut up, John."

"At least, you found the thief. Let´s look at the other animals, while we are here and we already payed for the tickets." Sherlock mumbled under his breath about "stupid mothers" and "annoying little brats".

John just laughed and enjoyed his day in the zoo.


	9. Choosing a Movie

**Hey guys, sorry for the delay :D**

**I really need to set a date for updating... maybe Tuesday or Thursday. So I don´t forget it while working.**

**Today, I kinda mixed up two suggestions. I hope nobody is mad about that. Suggestions are like always welcome write them in a review or just PM me.**

**So have a nice day, enjoy and please review!**

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><p>Choosing a movie<p>

"John, I decline, I won´t lie in my bed for the next three days to recover from a little cold.", declared Sherlock heatetly and folded his arms in a stubborn gesture. Even when his nose was running like mad, even when he had a painful headache and even when he felt dizzy standing on his two legs, enduring three days in bed was like hell for the consulting detectiv.

"I insist, Sherlock! You jumped into the Themse!" John put down a cup of tea with honey for Sherlock´s throat on the bedside table and tried to be reasonable with the sick man.

"The suspect was almost getting away, my dear doctor. How else should I have caught him?", asked Sherlock nonchalant and blew his nose.

"Maybe wait until he gets out of the water?"

"That would have taken too long and I can use my time for much more interesting things."

"Yeah, like right now! Being sick in bed with a cold and I swear, you won´t leave that bed until you are healthy again!", said John and huffed.

"But I don´t want to stay in bed, it´s boring, uninspiring, not creative and it won´t help me think in any way!", protested Sherlock and fixated John with his silver-blue eyes.

"Okay, than we just have to find a distraction... but you will stay in your bed!"

The distraction came in form of John going to get movies in the videothek. Sherlock had suggested other ways... but they weren´t approbiate for a sick person, so John had declined, which left the only other option from John, getting a movie.

But as John stood in the shop, he didn´t really know what to rent. Sherlock had a very special taste and he couldn´t just take any movie. That´s why he just called Sherlock to ask him.

"Sherlock, what kind of movie would you like to watch?"

"Just pick something, John.", replied Sherlock obvisiously bored.

"How about Sweeney Todd?"

"No, no, no! He is too predictable!"

"And you said, I could pick anything...", answered John and grumbled.

"Just take something from the Monty Pythons, you always say they are fun and have a wonderful sense of humour."

"And what else? The Monty Pythons won´t distract you for longer than some hours."

"Then take the Harry Potter series. There were some murderes, claiming they were Death Eaters and working for the Dark Lord. I have to get information about them anyway. Also all the movies should keep me occupied for an estimated time of... 24 hours. After that you can always go and get me something else."

"Yes, master.", replied John with an unenthusiastic voice and ended the conversation.

He got Sherlock everything from the Monty Pythons available, which was quite a bit, and the complete Harry Potter box, which would hopefully distract him from lying in his bed for at least some time... Please god! Distract him just a little bit!


	10. Hairdresser

**Hey guys,**

**as I am not going to be here tomorrow and kinda now have the routine to publish on Tuesdays, I present to you the next part :D**

**Suggestions for Normal Things with Sherlock are always welcome just PM me or write it in a review.**

**Please enjoy and write a review.**

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><p>Hairdresser<p>

"I will have to cut some of your locks, so I can get out the green slimey stuff in your hair, Sir.", said the hairdresser with an unsure look at a very grumpy Sherlock.

"You want to cut my locks!", asked Sherlock shocked and touched them, as if they were already cut off his had and just an illusion.

"Sherlock, there is no other way. The stuff is really sticky...", tried John to calm his friend down, but it didn´t really work.

"Just because those Harry Potter fanaticers threw their "deadly potion" at us!"

"They were fans of the Potter universe and as there is no real magic they did the next best thing and pretend it was real."

"Yeah, as if saying "Avada Kedavra" would really kill me! Idiots!"

"I remember a certain detectiv running into his room after the movies and trying to built a broom that could really fly, because you loved the movies."

"Did not."

"Did! And don´t try do deny it!"

"...", Sherlock mumbled something under his breath and John patted shoulder.

"Anyway, your hair has to be cut to get the "potion" out. You always say, looks are only deceiving so it shouldn´t be a problem for you." Sherlock glared at his flatmate and pulled on one of the slime-free locks.

"I just don´t want my hair to be cut."

"Are you scared of getting your hair cut?", asked John and failed at stiffling his laughter. Sherlock picked up one of the magazines and flung them at John´s head. The soldier stepped aside and laughed even more.

"I am not scared! I just like my locks!"

"So you want to run around with the deerhead, so nobody can see the slime?"

"Of course not, John!", replied Sherlock with a sneer. That damn hat!

"Then you will have to get a haircut." Sherlock nodded but still cursed under his breath, while the locks started to fall.

Shortly after the friendly hairdresser finished her work and the boys had paid for the hair cut, they were called to a crime scene.

As they arrived Donovan already waited for them with an insult on her tongue, but as Sherlock emerged from the cab she suddenly went still and stared at him in shock. When they finally passed the astonished Sergeant the only noise she managed to make was a squeak.

"Oh, Donovan, intelligent response, like always.", said Sherlock with a smug smile, but Donovan couldn´t even reply anything to that.

They entered the crime scene and even Lestrade froze as he saw Sherlock, but he wasn´t as shocked as Donovan.

"New haircut?", he asked instead and met the annoyed glare from John.

"It´s the ladykiller haircut! All the girls were staring at him and couldn´t even give a reply. The female cab driver even gave us the ride for free and begged Sherlock for his phone number! And our Mister Holmes here just said, he wasn´t interested and ignored her."

"John, as you and I well know I have other interests. Also I am married to my work, which means there is simply no time for affairs.", replied Sherlock and pushed his hand through his new haircut.

"Shut up, Sherlock. Damn the hairdresser and that damn potion!"

"I like the new haircut.", replied Sherlock and walked off in the direction of the corpse with a evil smile in his face.

Someday, he would built a broom that could fly and than John had to say, that he had been right!


	11. In the Library

**Hey guys,**

**sorry for the delay, but some bad things happened and eats up pretty much of my time. Suggestions and reviews are very welcome and I certainly hope you enjoy this a bit darker piece, matching my mood.**

**Please enjoy and have a nice day.**

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><p>In the Library<p>

During his years as a student of the university of London, the great Sherlock Holmes didn´t very often visit the library. He had a great mind and wasn´t really interested in actually writing his essays, which were useless and not important for his future work.

He already was on the verge of falling out of university, because he was missing pretty often and didn´t show up for any exams. That was partly the fault of the drugs and also of his job. Not that he was paid as the consulting detectiv of the scotland yard, but it was much more interesting than boring lectures about psychology.

But as he wanted to be the best in his job, he needed to sometimes research specific information for example about people or chemical processes. He often used the labs of the pharmaceutical students, they were brand new and better than the ones from the scientific branche of the university.

"I can´t find this goddamn information!", he belowed and looked at the bookspines. He was researching information about a plant called Angel Trumpet flowers. Back than internet was still a rarety and pretty slow, not the hightspeed information source it is today. So Sherlock used the old method, the library, which wasn´t very uptodate.

"Young man, could you please be more silent? Other students try to learn and can´t concentrate when you are so loud.", tutted him an old lady, he remembered him of his aunt Agatha. The old woman was a witch and always was making fun of him and his skills.

"Dear woman, there is no real rule for that, so I can be as loud as I want to express my frustration about the lack of order in this library. So if you would please excuse, than I could continue my search and cut the time short, in which I am loudly complaining.", he replied with a clipped voice and tried to ignore her.

But as he continued to not find any new clue about the flower he started to simply pull out the books and put them on the ground. Soon the whole ground around him was littered with little book towers, some of them even started to tilt to the side.

"You can´t just put our precious books on the ground, young man! Put them back on the shelves or I will have to remove you from the library.", the old woman tried again, which was only annoying him. He hadn´t had his dose of cocaine today and as the time went on he was getting more and more pissed.

"As you should know, you are not able to remove me from the library, as I am a student and doing my research. If you could please move your ugly physics out of my sight and return to your duties as a tamer of the other mindless students and their stupid little brains, I would be very grateful." He sighed and started to read the article about the Angel Trumpet flowers again. He hadn´t found anythign useful yet.

"Not with me... you punk!"

"Dear woman, do I actually look like a punk? Do I have any piercings? Tattoos? Green dyed hair? Leather outfit? You people are so blind to outer appearance and just because my behaviour is rude you try to insult me. But as I am not even slightly effected by your words, I will just continue to ignore you." He continued reading, even when the old woman huffed and tried to threaten him with promises of excluding him from his university lessons. He finally found his information and just laughed at her face.

"Excluding me from lessons? They are so boring and simple minded. I am not even attending them so find a better insult or shove off." He copied the pages about the flower into his small notebook and left the books on the ground. The old lady was still standing behind him. Her face had the colour of ripe tomatoes and she would probably explode soon.

"I will leave you to do your job now and put the books back on the shelves. I hope I won´t have to come back here soon, as you are unfriendly and the books are all pretty old and not uptodate. Oh, and my name is Sherlock Holmes, as you want to get me kicked out of university, also you should go to a doctor, your blood pressure is much too high and you surely don´t want to die an early death. Bye bye." The old woman looked pretty shocked after him. Sherlock was in a good mood. He had solved a case and now...

Now he could get his dose of cocaine to finish his day and maybe one more case from Lestrade.


	12. Karaoke

**Heyho,**

**I am back again, it´s a better week than the last. Suggestions are like always welcome through reviews or PM´s.**

**Please enjoy this little piece of fanfiction and write if you have some time a review, please.**

**Have a nice day, till next Tuesday!**

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><p>Karaoke<p>

"Why exactly did you say yes to this karaoke night?", asked John suspiciously. Sherlock wasn´t a person to go to karaoke nights or any other social activities with people.

"I want to conduct an experiment and this event seems to be the best oppurtunity to test my theory." There was it the cause for Sherlock´s eagerness to go into a karaoke bar!

"And which experiment? Is something going to explode? Body parts anywhere? Or any substances I should know of?"

"No, John, nothing like that, it´s a social experiment. But I can´t tell you about it or you could change the outcome and I don´t want that." John stared at Sherlock and then shrugged. As long as he didn´t set anything on fire.

John was amazed, Sherlock had even dressed up. A black suit and – John sniffed the air around his friend – did he wear cologne? For real?

"Yes, John, it´s for the experiment, so stop thinking about my look and let´s go."

The yard always arranged a karaoke night in one of the pubs of London once a month. It was a lively event and many people gathered to just sit together, sing one or two songs and drink booze.

Sherlock had never been asked to such an event, because... yeah, the yard weren´t really people who liked Sherlock-Know-It-All-Holmes. But they like John, because he was nice and had at least some control over Sherlock.

Sherlock and John sat down on Lestrade´s table. Molly and Dimmock sat there, sadly, Donavan and Anderson did too. Sherlock fought the urge to roll his eyes and sigh, but he lost.

"Look there, Andy, if it isn´t the psychopath and the doctor.", taunted Donavan them.

"Sociopath, Donavan. Please, don´t forget that. But I am not here to argue with you about obvisious things, I am here for important things!" He shrugged off his coat and sat down gracefully. Some women in the room were already staring at him as if he was some kind of delicious... food. John shivered, it was scary how much influence Sherlock could have on people.

"Important things, he says, but there are no corpses here.", replied Anderson and laughed. The joke wasn´t funny, really.

"Corpses are not always needed for my enjoyment.", said Sherlock with a cold smile and stood up to move over to the stage. Lestrade gave John a questioning look and the doctor just shrugged.

"He said, he wanted to do a social experiment." The whole table went still.

"What?", asked John the frozen yarders.

"The last time Sherlock made a social experiment... Some bad things happened.", explained Lestrade vaguely and his face whitened.

"What kind of bad things?"

"We woke up in a candy shop in the middle of a nest made of candy floss and a picture of all of us, while we are trying to open a can of pickles... with a light bulb. Strange things happened that night and we will never talk about it again."

"And why exactly aren´t you stopping him right now before something bad happens?"

"What could happen in a karaoke bar with so many people around? Not much, when you ask me and we won´t drink any substances Sherlock offers us."

"Ah, okay, so that´s your plan. Then let´s see what´s Sherlock´s experiment this time."

At the same time Sherlock asked for a whisky at the bar and stepped up onto the stage. The whisky was served while he searched for the title he wanted to sing. He wasn´t sure, which song was sufficient for the experiment so he just picked a song he knew and liked.

He walked up to the microphone and watched the audience. More women than men, like he already had predicted, perfect conditions for the experiment. He smiled and could already see some of the women blushing.

The music began to play and Sherlock took a swig of his whisky. His foot started to tip in the rythm of the music and then he started to sing in his deep seducing voice.

"Golden brown, texture like sun

Lays me down, with my mind she runs

Throughout the night

No need to fight

Never a frown, with golden brown."

He slowly slipped out of his suit jacket and let it fall on a chair on the stage. All that happened in a fluent movement and the girls in the bar stared at him. Good , he had their attention.

"Every time just like the last

On her ship tied to the mast

To distant lands

Takes both my hands

Never a frown with golden brown."

The next thing he did, was open slowly the first three buttons of his shirt, slowly revealing parts of his neck and throat, swinging his hips to the music and smiling at random people in the audience. He slowly moved his hands over the microphone, as if he was caressing it.

!Golden brown, finer temptress

Through the ages she´s heading west

From far away

Stays for a day

Never a frown with golden brown."

The women in the bar were drooling and swooning by now, which meant that the critical stage of the experiment was finished. All that was left for him to do, was finishing the song and than look at the reactions of the women and maybe even men in the room.

"Never a frown

With golden brown

Never a frown

With golden brown

Never a frown

With golden brown

Never a frown

With golden brown."

The song ended and the people were cheering. Not only women even men were clapping wildly and some of the girls were even squealing. Sherlock simply grabbed his jacket and the whisky and walked back to his table, where John and the others were already waiting for him. He ignored the many little papers that women tried to slip into his pockets and smiled satisfied.

"The experiment is a success. I will go now and look after my other experiments in the flat. John, you can stay here, if you want, you aren´t needed.", said Sherlock and away he went to leave a dumbstruck group of yarders.

"Did Sherlock really seduced the whole bar with singing a song about heroine?", asked John and the others just nodded as shocked as the doctor.

"But you have to admit, he is a damn good singer.", replied Lestrade, which was again answered with eager nods.

Social experiments from Sherlock Holmes were always an adventure for themselves and this one had been a full success.

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><p><strong>The song is called "Golden Brown" from the Stranglers. Just so you know :D<strong>


	13. Racing Team

**Hey, small and silly... Suggestions and reviews are welcome and loved. Please enjoy and bye.**

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><p>Racing Team<p>

It was tuesday night and Sherlock was once again bored. John already searched for a way to distract his flatmate, so he wouldn´t damage anything in the flat.

And finally, as he was searching through his things, he found just the right thing. The old Nintendo 64 of his cousin, inclusive games. The doctor´s cousin had damaged it and John had been the one to repair it, but he had forgotten to give it back and so years later it was still in his possession.

"Sherlock, we are going to play something, so move over!", John said enthusiastically and put the console down in front of the television. Sherlock just grunted and moved over on the couch so John could sit down next to him.

"Are you sure, John? Games are so dull, easy and this one is just old."

"Yes, old, Sherlock, but not bad. Old games can be exciting or nobody would play chess anymore.", replied John and sat down next to Sherlock two controllers in his hands.

"What´s the name of the game?"

"Mario Cart."

"Oh, that one, there are so many new versions of this, why play the old, when the new one is probably better and more interesting?"

"Because, Sherlock, new is not always better and now stop moping and pick your character."

Sherlock picked Toad, the little mushroom guy, and John took Yoshi, with his wonderfully green cart.

They played a few rounds and Sherlock always lost, while John always won.

"Sherlock! I didn´t know you could be bad at anything!", said John roaring with laughter and winning yet again.

"It almost seems like you never played a video game before!"

"...", Sherlock mumbled something John couldn´t hear and put the controller down.

"What, I couldn´t understand you, Sherlock." Sherlock blushed and figdeted.

"I said, I never played a video game." John looked at Sherlock astonished.

"Never? For real?" Sherlock just nodded. The doctor smiled at him and picked up Sherlock´s controller.

"Come on, I´ll show you how it works and what you have to do."

Only two hours later, the genius of 221 B Bakerstreet was competeting with the doctor for the victory and from then on, every so often they held a little contest between each other. The loser had to buy milk.


	14. Baby Shower

**Hey guys!**

**So today is an early update, because I wanted to and because... I just can okay xD So suggestions and reviews are very welcome and I certainly hope you enjoy this one as it was suggested from MeganTheNerd.**

**Have a nice day!**

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><p>Baby Shower<p>

Sherlock huffed distressed, hormonal middle aged women were pinching his cheeks and cooing over his black locks. He had tried to get away, but every attempt was futile, they didn´t even let him get up from the couch.

And he couldn´t even really complain, because it had been his own fault that he and John were now the guests of a baby shower. If only he hadn´t shot the wall!

It had been one of those days, where Sherlock had been bored out of his mind and had stolen John´s gun to give the smiley on the wall a companion. Unfortunately was Mrs. Hudson not so happy about his distraction and wanted them to repay the damage to the wall immediately.

But as Sherlock and John didn´t have that much money at hand, Mrs. Hudson promised them a punishment for her enjoyement instead. Yes, John too, because he hadn´t hidden the gun properly and was partly at fault for the damaged wall.

She loved her boys, but they needed to learn a lesson and as the days went by she was presented with the perfect opportunity. Two weeks later Mrs. Hudson knocked on their door and told them to come with her. She smiled sweetly at them as they entered the house of an old friend of hers, which held a baby shower for her daughter.

Sherlock had sat down on the couch, but soon realized his mistake. John on the other side was bombarded with questions about child sicknesses and pregnancy.

„What can I do against morning sickness?"

„Am I too fat?"

„How can I get my child to stop sucking her thumb?"

And even more questions like that were thrown at John, even though he wasn´t even trained to birth a child or to treat child sicknesses. He was just a regular GP, sure he had learned everything about pregnancy, but only in theory!

He also tried to get away but failed, just like Sherlock, miserably. At least he could fight his way through to Sherlock and sat down next to him on the couch. Which also proved to be a mistake.

„Aw! Aren´t they cute together, such a cute couple!", exclaimed one of the estrogen laden women and immediately everybody was mooning over them.

„W- We aren´t a couple! He is my flatmate! We are only friends!", John protested, but was mostly ignored as the women just loved the two of them together. Sherlock didn´t even say anything anymore, he only wished for a cigarette and silence. He finally succeeded in getting away from the couch and was now in search for the toilet, maybe he could escape through the window in the bathroom. Sure, he had to leave John alone with all the women, but sacrifices were necessary in a war against middle aged women.

„Excuse me, could you please tell me where the bathroom is?", Sherlock asked a heavily pregnant woman politely and smiled one of his charming smiles. Instead of answering him, she started to cry and threw herself on him.

To say Sherlock was startled would be an understatement, he was shocked, frozen in his place while the woman wailed and fisted his shirt. The detectiv could see John smiling smugly at him and Sherlock glared madly at the doctor.

„He is such a nice guy.", said a woman behind him and another one shouted, that she wanted a baby from him. Sherlock wanted to scream, but he couldn´t as the women fed him with food, because he was too skinny in their opinion.

John was already regreting not hiding the gun better. Next time he would take extra measurements, he would never again participate in a baby shower.

Sherlock was thinking about the same, from now on he wouldn´t shoot the wall, but maybe... Maybe he could try out the new mixer from John. Not with vegetables or fruits of course, maybe the doctors new phone or one of the knitted jumpers would be interesting test subjects... He had to think about that later and first fight off all these women.

And Mrs. Hudson, you ask? Mrs. Hudson was just standing in a corner of the room, watching the exlusive show of the punishment of Sherlock Holmes and John Watson and enjoying herself greatly.


	15. The WashingMachineSlayer

**Hey guys!**

**So here is the next part after I have to take care of all the dirty laundry in the house (also cleaning, cooking and more) and was fed up with that damn werk. Please enjoy it and review, it would make me really happy.**

**Have a nice day!**

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><p>The Washing-Machine-Slayer<p>

John was just enjoying a relaxing evening in front of the TV as a loud boom disturbed the peaceful atmosphere. The doctor sighed unhappily and moved to get up from his comfy armchair to look after Sherlock, whom was experimenting on something in the kitchen.

Or more, he was experimenting in the former kitchen. Now it was a room covered in a blue slimy substance and John decided to not cook in that kitchen until Sherlock had renovated it completely. Sherlock himself was covered in the slime too and currently looking quite astonished.

He was still holding two glasses in his hands, obvisiously he had tried to mix two substances and the reatcion was the explosion of blue slime. The detectiv frowned and put the glasses down, while John checked with his eyes if he was injured, he didn´t want to take even one step into the conterminated kitchen.

"Are you okay?"

"Yes, yes, just a reaction I didn´t anticipate. You will have to wash my clothes immediately or there gonna be ugly stains."

"No, no, no, no, no, Sherlock, I won´t touch that stuff. The last time it caused me to have green spots all over my body! You can wash your clothes yourself!", replied the doctor and moved back into the living room. Sherlock could take care of the mess himself!

A short time later Sherlock came into the living room, dressed in his favourite silk bathrobe and sat down on the couch grumbling about having cleaned the kitchen and that the washing machine was taking to long.

The doctor just tried to ignore him, as it seemed like Sherlock was again in one of his moods, where he was sulking about something John refused to do, but soon enough he would come out of it and everything would go back to be normal for them.

Suddenly Sherlock jumped up, pointed to the ceiling and shouted:

"I heard the washing machine beep! So I will go now and feed the almighty washing machine with more dirty laundry! Hopefully this time it won´t eat my socks or shrink my precious shirts!"

John was gaping at the tall thin man, jumping like a little kid and running out of the room with a scary smile. He almost got up to follow his flatmate, but he didn´t have to as Sherlock came back with a basket full of clean laundry already neatly folded and ready to be put into the wardrobe.

"I slayed the washing machine! I am the almighty washing machine slayer!", he shouted with glee and John started to get worried. This was not Sherlock´s "normal" behaviour... Maybe the blue substance had...?

"John! John! John! You have to try this blue stuff too! It´s amazing and it tastes like a wet dog! You have to, have to, have to!" Oh, oh...

Only after six hours John got Sherlock to calm down, after finally giving him a sedative, because he just couldn´t take a hyper Sherlock anymore. He had destroyed the couch; after jumping on it several times, had put John´s laptop into the washing machine; saying that the washing machine had demanded to eat the laptop or it would start to spit fire; which it did soon after anyway and climbed onto his wardrobe; claiming he was a pirate and John his evil nemesis trying to steal his treasure.

Luckily there weren´t any long-term effects, except that Sherlock was remembering the former events and avoided any kind of experiment out of embarassement for the next few weeks. John was glad about that, like that he didn´t have to worry about a messy kitchen or any strange "things" in the fridge.

But that only went on till Sherlock was bored and John begged him to do some kind of experiment instead of shooting the wall, but that is another story for yet another day.

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><p><strong>And what do we learn from that? Never eat or touch anything that tastes like wet dog (don´t ask me how that tastes but the smell is awful enough) and blue slimy substances.<strong>


	16. Searching for the perfect flatmate

**Hello again!**

**I don´t really have anything to say, except enjoy and review, pleeeease!**

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><p>Searching for the perfect flatmate<p>

In the time before John came around, Sherlock was obvisiously already searching for the right flatmate, because he couldn´t afford a flat with enough space for his experiments alone.

So he payed for an ad in the newspaper, that he wanted to find the perfect flatmate. To be precise the ad said:

"Searching for a flatmate. Needs to tolerate corpses, not being spoken to and violin play at night. Will have to hate brothers and have tea making skills. Come to 221B Bakerstreet, if interested. SH"

Originally the list of demanded tolerances and abilities was much longer, but the ad had to be short, so Sherlock only wrote down the most important ones.

So he waited in 221B Bakerstreet for candidates and a few did show up. Sherlock wished he hadn´t put the ad into the newspaper...

Number 1

It was a girl, young, probably around 18 even when she tried to look older with the 2 kg of make up in her face. She liked to drink, party and loud music. She was chewing her chewing gum and her fingers were twitching nerviously, probably for one of the cigarettes in her handbag or maybe her smartphone.

"Hey, names Maria. I am here because of the ad."

"I am aware of that.", answered Sherlock politely, she was still a potential flatmate after all.

"So, I would crash with you, if you want, but we would have to change the things from the ad a bit. Like I don´t care if you don´t talk to me or play your violin at night, but no corpses, they are creepy and smelly. Also if your brother looks as good as you, I can´t quarantee if I won´t like him. But the rest is as easy as pie."

And all Sherlock thought to that was: NEXT!

Number 2

This time it was an old man, he was okay, Sherlock thought. He didn´t hear too well anymore, but that wasn´t important or even possibly good.

"I heard there is someone here, that likes corpses. I am a retired doctor myself and like to keep up to date with the modern medicine the possibilities nowadays we could have saved many lifes..."

"Yes, yes what about the brother?", asked Sherlock eagerly, maybe he was a possible flatmate.

"...And imagine, nowadays they can even solve cases with that DNA-stuff." The old man just ignored him and kept talking. Five minutes later the old man stood up and wanted to go. Sherlock got up too and tapped him lightly on his shoulder.

"Where are you going? We aren´t finished yet."

"Who are you? Where am I?", asked the old man. He was in the early stages of alzheimer, he should have known!

Number 33

Yes, you read right, number 33 and there had been many people to want to be his flatmate, except that one guy a beggar, he had thought he could live and have food for free.

Then there was the schizoprhen librarian, the drug dealer (Sherlock didn´t have anything against the guy, but Mycroft would have buggered him till he left), a fat whale and an old lady with like 100 dogs...

For real this was his last try and if that didn´t work, he would find another solution!

It was a young man, a student and he was taking good care of his skin. He liked to draw, professionally too, could be deducted from the paint on his fingers and the way the way he moved his hands. Also there was a sketchbook and an artbook in his bag.

"Hello, pretty boy, I am here because of the flat.", he said and smiled. He even winked.

"I am okay, with all the given things, you seem to be a very interesting person." The man moved closer and seemed to study Sherlock closely, "Also you have a very nice physique. It would be nice if you could model for me sometime."

"I don´t look that great, I have many scars because of my work."

"Even better! You are a person with a story, people like them."

"I am not a public person.", answered Sherlock dismissivly and the man only chuckled.

"You are nice, I would like to share a flat and maybe more with you...?"

Definetely gay. Could cause possible problems in the future, because of sexual reference and being a asexual sociopath. Not suitable. Have to get him to leave.

"Yes, no, I already found the right flatmate, but thank you for coming."

"Oh, but you could still give me your number."

"Yes, of course, just let me write it down for you."

"No, no, I will put my number on your phone and then call me that´s much safer." Sherlock tried to put his phone away discreetly but that didn´t work, because the man snatched it away and Sherlock didn´t wan´t to cause a drama.

"Thank you, pretty one, I will call you for sure!" Said the man and away he went.

Things you have to do in the future: Change the phonenumber, find a flatmate, tease brother because of his bodyweigh.

When Sherlock finally found John, he was eternally thankful, because he was just the perfect flatmate.


	17. A good Bottle of Wine

**Hey guys,**

**so we need to have a stern talk first. Aren´t the parts any good or are they not satisfying enough? Because there were no reviews on the last two one and yeah, it makes me think that you don´t like this...**

**But still here is your next part, after four days of being occupied with Black Books, I just had to write this... **

**Suggestions and reviews are welcome, through pm´s reviews whatever you want.**

**Have a nice day and till next tuesday.**

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><p>A good bottle of Wine<p>

John was working in the hospital, but he couldn´t really concentrate on his work. Sherlock had been once again in one of his moods when he went to work. The detectiv had been staring into space and not moving for the last 2 no 4 days.

But the doctor couldn´t understand why. Normally his moods were triggered by something, but this time there was no indicator, no incident, just nothing. Even Mycroft didn´t know and even though he was watching Sherlock constantly.

So even though John wanted to look after his friend, he couldn´t because he had to actually work for once or he would be fired and he really did need his money.

As soon as his worktime was over John hurried home to check on Sherlock. It was already evening and raining heavily outside, which made finding a cab not a tidbit easier, because of course the weather forecast had predicted wonderful weather.

Finally John was able to catch a cab and was already trying to predict the damage the flat had taken in his absence as he stepped through the front door, when he smelled the smoke. Sure, Sherlock occasionally smoked a cigarette, but it more smelled like a group of people was smoking heavily in the flat.

John opened the door and had to cough from the many smoke that wafted around the flat. Sherlock was sitting on the kitchen table, empty bottles in front of him and another fag in his mouth.

"John, you´re ´ome earleyy.", said Sherlock or more slurred. The doctor successfully identified the empty bottles as wine bottles, which meant that Sherlock was pretty pissed.

"Hello, Sherlock."

"Ello, Jawn.", answered Sherlock with a sloppy grin on his face.

"Why did you drink so much wine? Is it an experiment?" It was the only reasonable solution he could think of, why Sherlock was this drunk.

"Meeep! Wrong! You have only two tries left!"

"Okay, Sherlock... Are you sad about something?"

"No, that also is soooo wrong, Jawn!"

"... Let me think..."

"If you are able to do that." Sherlock laughed and almost feel from his chair. John catched him and pulled him back onto the chair.

"So maybe because you were happy about something?"

"No, also not true. No, no, thaaat was the wrong answer and also the wrong answer to the wrong answer and the wrong answer to the answer answer or something like that. I don´t know... I don´t even want to know..."

"Sherlock, maybe you should lie down, you seem to have drunk too much wine.", tried John to be reasonable, but Sherlock just shrugged him of to grab a still full bottle of wine.

"No, no, no!"

"Why not Sherlock? Why drink more wine?"

"Because it´s a good bottle of wine! Seeeeee there are the wine crystals! They tell abou the high quality of the wine! Oh, but you still didn´t... didn´t... didn´t... oh, for goddamn I forgot what I wanted to say!" John pulled the detectiv to his feet, he still had the bottle in his hand, and tried to move him into the general direction of his bedroom.

"So tell me then, Sherlock. Why did you get piss drunk?", asked the doctor almost falling over from the movement of his drunk flatmate.

"Because it was a good bottle of wine!"

"More like five or... nine.", mumbled John.

"Mommy sent them to me and she wrote, that I had to drink the wine."

"But not all at once!"

"Huh... I didn´t think of that... Jawn?"

"Yes, Sherlock?"

"I am feeling sick..." And as soon as they got to the bathroom, Sherlock was throwing up into the toilet.

"Nice one, Sherlock."

"Thank you, John." Sherlock was slightly more sobber and John handed him a bottle of water to clear his mouth.

"No problem. So why exaclty did you drink so much wine and all alone?"

"Because you weren´t there and I was thirsty for wine."

"Yes, Sherlock, right, totally reasonable answer."

"Okay, okay, I watched Black Books on TV and wanted to know what it felt like to be so utterly drunk you couldn´t even recognize a kitchen as a kitchen and not as a toilet. But drinking alcohol also kills brain cells, that´s why I was thinking about it the last few days."

"Oh... Black Books surely has some sideffects. They should let it come without a description." Sherlock chuckled about that and John was finally able to bring him to bed.

"No more Black Books or drinking wine all alone, Sherlock."

"As you wish... Jawn.", teased Sherlock the doctor, before he switched of the light and already was anticipating the hangover of the next day, which would sent Sherlock into a really foul mood not like that was anything new.


	18. A good Bottle of Wine II

**Hey everybody,**

**here is kinda the second part of the whole thing from last week :D**

**I hope you will enjoy it and I would certainly be happy about every little tiny review!**

**Have a nice dayyyy! (or night)**

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><p>A good bottle of Wine II<p>

Sherlock woke up the next morning with the possibly most awful hangover in the history of hangovers. His head was splitting apart, he could even hear those fuzzy balls you always find under your bed moving and it was killing him and his brilliant mind!

John seemed to be still sleeping, so the detective slowly got out of his bed. He needed something to make the pain go away... Painkillers! John as a doctor had probably more than three different painkillers for headache, he had only to find them...

After searching through every little cabinett in the kitchen, every drawer in the living room and finally had the idea to look in the bathroom for medicine, his brain was severly damaged from the hangover, he popped two pills instantly and looked at himself in the mirror.

It seemed like the ugliest dog in the world had now a new competitor! Ha! Bloodshot eyes, dark rings under his eyes, sickly pale skin, moussled hair and the detective felt generally sick...

Mrs. Hudson moved in the flat under them and Sherlock flinched, his head still hurt with every sound. Those damn pills hadn´t worked!

But there was an easy way to zone out every sound. Water, a mass of water! Brilliant, Sherlock, a wonderful plan! So he filled the bath tub with warm water, got himself a straw from the kitchen so he didn´t need to catch his breath every few minutes and went underwater.

Ah... Blissful silence...

Suddenly a big black shadow appeared over Sherlock and it seemed to move! Also someone pressed the opening to his straw and he had to break threw the water so he wouldn´t drawn.

"John! Why did you do that!"

"It looked like you wanted to drown yourself! First drinking masses of water yesterday and now lying in a bathtub!", nagged John and Sherlock just wanted to switch him off!

"Not so loud, John..."

"That is not important right now anyway, Sherlock. Did you see the wine bottles you drank? Some of them are really old and probably very expensive! Where did you get them from? You know perfectly well, that we don´t have enough money for such useless stuff!"

"Please, John, shut up!"

"No, Sherlock! How will I get the money to pay them, huh? From your work? Yeah, right, as if you are getting paid!" John laughed bitterly and Sherlock heard the whole conversation in another way. It sounded like this:

"Nag, naaaaag! Nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag, naaag? NAAAAAAAG? Nag, nag, nag nag nag nag nag nag!"

"Enough! Shut up, John! I got the bottles from Mycroft."

"You never take anything Mycroft offers, so don´t lie to me, Sherlock Holmes!"

"Okay, okay, I kinda lend them from him."

"So you stole them from him!", asked John shocked. He really shouldn´t be shocked anymore.

"Not so loud... Also Mycroft doesn´t even drink wine! He always drinks this fancy stuff like Brandy or Whiskey... But as I think about it, he also likes those girly cocktails with the little umbrella in them...", drifted Sherlock of from the original topic.

John just sighed. Could he never have a nice morning before work and not have to take care of an overgrown baby?


	19. A Normal Day on the Tube

**Hey guys!**

**It´s tuesday again and this was kind of suggested, I thought about it before, but had no idea what exactly to write, but right now my mind is going crazy and so this cracky fanfic was written.**

**I hope you enjoy it, suggestions and reviews are very welcome.**

**Have a nice day :D**

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><p>A normal Day on the Tube<p>

It was a normal day on the tube. The trains were on time, the people were busy ignoring their seat neighbours, while the tube was moving through the dark tunnels in the underground of London.

Some were reading the newspaper, others were chewing bubble gum; just to "lose" it "accidently" on the underside of their seats, again some others were just staring into nothingness or sleeping soundly after a hard day of work.

Perfectly normal day in the tube, no anomalies, no strange people, nothing strange.

Until...

Sherlock stepped into the tube.

With his usual coat, scarf and gloves.

The phone in his hand.

And with the occasional harpune, which fitted just perfectly to the blood on his clothes.

The people were shocked to see him like that, just sitting down among them, as if nothing was out of the ordinary.

Some were even laughing slightly hysterical, they thought it was a joke and looking around for the hidden camera. But most of them were just trying to put a distance between them and Sherlock.

The only brave passenger of the tube, was a little boy. He was around six years old, had dirty blond hair and big green eyes. He was wearing the usual clothes of a small boy, whom is still being dressed by his mother and was chewing his nails, even when he wasn´t nervous or scared.

With one small glance Sherlock had deduced the small boy and just took out his phone to write a SMS to Lestrade.

"Why are you full of blood, Sir?", asked the small boy bravely.

He will probably end up as a dentist, thought Sherlock. John always said, he should be nice to kids and not tell them the complete truth, so not to shock them.

"It´s because the colour suits me."

"And the harpune?"

"I need it for my favourite meal."

"Your favourite meal are skweres?"

"No, marshmallows."

God, this kid was just so mundane, thought Sherlock.

"You have to be a genius, Mister. You always have answers to my questions, all the other adults never answer me so truthfully like you." Sherlock smiled, inwardly, mind you. Maybe this kid could be more than a normal dentist in the future.

They reached the next station. The boy left the train and several security guards moved into the train to stand around Sherlock.

"Sir, please put down the weapon. Everything is okay, you don´t have to hurt anyone.", said a woman in bullet-proof clothes, while holding up her hands showing him that she didn´t have a weapon.

"Why?"

"What?", asked the woman a bit put out.

"Why do I have to put down my harpune? I am not trying to kill anybody, I didn´t hurt anybody, accept the pig at the morgue, and I am not trying to blackmail or threaten anybody. So why should I put down my harpune?"

"Because you are covered in blood...?", tried the security guard again.

"Pig blood."

"Because you are covered in pig blood."

"Yes, you see the obvisious. But maybe you better should have a talk with your husband, he is having an affair with your teammate over there." Sherlock was pointing to one of the other security guards in the tube, whom looked guilty and shocked at the same time. Yes, you could hide nothing from Sherlock Holmes, the worlds only consulting detectiv.

"You did, Jeff?"

"Yes...", said the guard guiltly and looked to the ground. Sherlock just chuckled.

The woman was looking between the two, probably trying to decide who to charge at first, but the train stopped again and Sherlock stood up. The woman was mad, her head was turning red and she obvisiously was loosing control of the situation.

"Sir, you have to remain here, we will take you to the next police station."

"That will not be necessary."

"Why?", asked the woman confused, she wasn´t really intelligent.

"Because that is my station and I am now going home to have a shower, so if you would excuse me..." Sherlock just walked out of the underground station and went home. It´s not like he did anything out of the ordinary.


	20. The Holy Ritual of Bathing

**Hey, here I am again with the next part.**

**Suggestions and Reviews are verrrrry welcome and I quite enjoy reading them all, so tell me every little crazy idea you have, so I can use them :D**

**Please enjoy and once again review!**

**Have a nice day!**

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><p>The Holy Ritual of Bathing<p>

Sherlock wasn´t the relaxing type. He only slept or ate if it was absolutely necessary. Most of the time it was not. His hobby was his job, except for the experiments. So seldom he tried to take the time to watch telly or do something relaxing.

Except his weekly bath.

It was a miracle in itself and John was always amazed, how important one damn bath was to Sherlock. It wasn´t a normal kind of bath just to get clean, no it was a ritual of purification and relaxion.

There were certain stages to the baths and everything was done in a strict order.

First, like every bath, needed to be filled with water. Then while it filled, Sherlock slowly shed his clothes. The first clothes to go was his bathrobe, then his shirt, then his socks, his bottoms and lastly his underwear. It was strict like this and wouldn´t be changed for the world. Everything was put into the basket for dirty clothes, he had already laid out the precisely folded clothes for later.

After that was done the bath was already half full and the next stage began. It was one of Sherlock´s favourite parts of the ritual. Putting in the oil or bath salt. Most of the time he used something not flowery, like sandal-wood or pine tree needles. Today was something earthy, it was called "Fresh Grass" and it smelt quite like it, that´s why John never entered the bath when he used it, he always started to sneeze, even though his allergy just couldn´t be triggered by a bath salt.

After he put it in and adjusted the warmth of the water. He light up the candles. Sure, you think it´s something romantic and all that, but it was just setting the atmosphere for an relaxing bath. When Sherlock still had been a child, his mother had used big red candles, which had smelled a bit like roses.

Then he put on the music with the small radio, that was mostly used when someone was taking a bath, showering or just in the mornings to wake up. He immediately set it on his favorite radio station and listened to the beautiful melodies of the classical music.

With this the preparations were done and Sherlock put his feet first into the bath. When the water was still too hot, he mixed it up with a bit cold, so he wouldn´t be scalded. He slowly slid into the water and sighed. His body was relaxed and he just enjoyed the smell of fresh grass.

The purpose of the bath was also to get new ideas for cases or experiments, sometimes John hated the bath. It made Sherlock unpredictable. Sometimes he went into the bathroom with a severe depression and came out a bit later with the most terrifying ideas for experiments. One time he even wanted to test genitals of dead people... John refused to use the toaster since then.

And as Sherlock was sitting in his bath, enjoying the hot water on his water, that always made him awake and giddy. It was time for the next stage.

He moved his arm over the edge of the bath tube and grabbed two pirate ships. It was time to kill black beared!

Sherlock´s crew was made up from real people. John of course was the doctor and his right-hand man. Mycroft was the cook, but he was fat, because he mostly ate everything on board himself. Donavan and Anderson were the lowest of the lowest in his crew, they had to scrub and were always the first ones to die in a battle. Lestrade was sitting up in the crow´s nest and looking out for ships of the enemy. Molly... Molly wasn´t on the ship, there wasn´t a job she could do and she would just be a hindrance to Sherlock. Because of course Sherlock was the captain and black beared was Jim Moriarty, staring with a big black beard.

And so as soon as Lestrade sighted the enemies ship, the battle began. It was a hard battle and there was pretty much blood and gore, but suddenly in the midst of the battle there was a huge yellow duck and Sherlock looked up from his game.

"John! This is a pirate battle and not one of your little bathing games! Put the duck away or I will let you go off the plank!" John just laughed and walked out of the bathroom, yes, Sherlock´s baths were always worth an adventure.


	21. Cleaning Duties

**Hey again!**

**So I am in a pretty good mood and I can´t update tomorrow because of a family meeting, so you get your weekly part today!**

**Todays fanfic is inspired from an idea from prothoe and thanks again for that one xD**

**Suggestions and reviews are more than welcome.**

**Please enjoy and have a nice day!**

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><p>Cleaning Duties<p>

With John away on a medical convention and Mrs Hudson visiting her sister, it was Sherlock´s duty to clean the house.

Easier said than done, because Sherlock didn´t really know how to clean a house. He never had to do so, as his family was rich and they had maids to do those jobs. Normally he wouldn´t have done anything and just let the chaos ensure, but he had promised John to take care of the flat and clean up after himself too.

So he had a simple, but effective plan.

Don´t eat in the flat, eat out.

Which means, that there will be no dirty dishes and he won´t have to wash them. Mostly he went to Luigi, but after some days his stomach couldn´t take it anymore and he went to get take-away.

Don´t shoot the wall, it will make the couch dirty.

He was damn bored, but he really hated cleaning and so he didn´t shoot in the flat. But outside was no real problem. He had to admit, Mrs Hudson´s bins were pretty good targets.

Don´t wear shirts.

This one was pretty hard on Sherlock. He loved his shirts and not wearing them meant to almost run around naked. Instead he had to wear those normal boring t-shirts, which were always too tight. The women seemed to like it tough, they opened up much fast to him, especially when he just stretched his arms and showed of his tummy. He had put down a note about this occurence for the future, maybe he could use it somehow for a future case.

Don´t aggravate Anderson.

Yes, that sounds strange, but it already happened in the past, that when Sherlock teased Anderson too much, that he would get pretty nasty. One time he threw a muffin at him, it was a blueberry one and it left ugly stains in one of his favourite shirts. But it was so hard to not aggravating this stupid excuse of a human, his IQ had to be around somewhere between zero and minus zero.

Don´t run through the city.

Normally Sherlock himself would run after a criminal and catch them himself, but that also meant to get dirty and maybe rip his trousers. There was nobody at home to mend them for him, so he left the whole work to Mycroft´s henchmen.

Don´t use the tub or shower.

He always showered in the rain, for now that still worked. It wasn´t summer yet and the neighbours didn´t say anything against it. They even cheered everytime and watched him. Very friendly people their neighbours.

Sherlock followed his plan precisely, but even they had loopholes. It didn´t always rain, when he needed a shower or Anderson was just too dumb and he just needed to tell him so. Also his t-shirts and trousers needed to be cleaned, but the last time he used the washing machine it ate his socks and this time it just made strange noises and started to spit acid. Very strange... Really very strange, indeed.

Then there was the matter with Mycroft´s henchmen, he enjoyed snatching them away from his brother, but he couldn´t pay them and they also needed to do work for his brother, which meant they weren´t always available.

Mrs Hudson also had not that many bins, so he soon run out of targets and started to shoot the wall instead again.

All in all, when John got home he found himself in a chaotic messy flat, with Sherlock nowhere to be found or it seemed like that at first glance. In reality he was sitting on one of the cupboards and spying on John´s reaction.

John of course saw red and started to shout for Sherlock to show himself and clean up this mess. Sherlock stayed on the cupboard for more than four hours after that. John finally spotted him, after he smelled a very awful smell from the top of the cupboard.

Don´t forget kids, when you want to hide, always shower so nobody smells you.


	22. Supermarket

**Hey guys,**

**sorry I didn´t write a fanfic last week, I was just too lazy and tired and yeah...**

**So there is this weeks, I am open for any ideas and reviews, just post them and I will read them and so on. :D**

**Have a nice week and enjoy yourself!**

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><p>Working in a Supermarket<p>

John once again had to buy the groceries in the supermarket. Sherlock had went off earlier mumbling something about a case, which seemed to have to do with money or something like that, John wasn´t too sure about that.

He needed to buy milk, fish, a variety of fruits and others stuff you normally buy. He still had the card from Sherlock and used it now permanently, how else should they pay their bills?

The doctor walked into the supermarket and grabbed one of these shopping carts, which never moved like you wanted them too and which you had to shove with vigorous movements to get to move into the right direction. John hated those carts, why couldn´t they just repair them? It´s not like shopping are very hard to maintain.

So he moved down the aisles and first looked after the milk. A guy with curly black hair and thick glasses was putting fresh milk into the shelves. John searched out for the freshest milk, Sherlock ONLY drank the freshest, he was a pretty picky eater. The shelf stacker grunted and John thought, that something was familiar about him, but he wasn´t sure what.

He walked to the fish counter and first looked at all the fish. Once again there was a guy with black curly hear, it seemed to be the same one as the stacker. Strange, really. He picked out his fish and took it with him.

He got his other groceries and moved to pay his groceries. First he tried it with those new high technology things, they never worked for John, NEVER. But this time once again the stacker came, to help him out and this time John looked at him closer.

He was thin, pretty tall, had high cheekboned, pale blue eyes , wore working clothes with the name of the supermarket on them and ... Stop, stop, stop! He would never! John looked closer.

"Sherlock? What are you doing here?"

"Working, John, it is quite amusing that you didn´t recognize me, because I am wearing those... cheap working clothes."

"What are you doing here, Sherlock?", John asked again and Sherlock just shrugged.

"It´s for a case and also we can use the money I get in the future."

"But, Sherlock! You never worked in your life!"

"First time for everything."

Two hours later John and Sherlock were at home. Apparently Sherlock had been fired, because he had acted his usual self and treated a costumer like normal, which meant pretty badly.

"Excuse me, Sir, but could you please give me a Pangasius fillet?", asked the female costumer. She was in early twenties and had just wanted to buy some fish. Sherlock tutted unseemingly.

"Pangasius fillet? Are you an animal abuser? This type of fish is breed in very small space and the breeding conditions aren´t were good either. And don´t let me even start with all the antibiotica they are feeded with.", Sherlock ranted and looked at him with big eyes.

"I am not an animal abuser!", she shouted, started crying and left the shop. Sherlock had been kicked out immediately.

The supermarket would never let him work again at the supermarket, but Sherlock didn´t regtret it, he already had all the information he needed for his case.


	23. Maya the Honey Bee

**Hey everybody,**

**back again with a new part of the series. I hope everybody knows the little bee I am talking about here and I certainly hope you will enjoy it to your fullest and hopefully leave me a small review behind.**

**Have a nice day and please enjoy!**

* * *

><p>Maya the honey bee<p>

When Sherlock was still young he often loved to play pirate. Pirates weren´t idiots, they were routhless and dangerous people and Sherlock liked to think of himself as someone like that. Maybe it was because every classmate of his avoided him and thought of him as a criminal, because his mother always made him wear fancy suits and slicked back his hair. He looked like a small mafiosi and how he hated that!

The girls were always giggling about his good looks behind his back and he didn´t understand why. He looked normal, at least he thought that, but his mother´s friends were always cooing what a pretty boy he was.

He hated them all so he always made a mess of his suits by jumping into mud after school and making his hair messy again. Mycroft always tutted at him, when he came home like that. Sherlock simply didn´t care, after all Mycroft would forget it, after he ate his next piece of cake.

Back then Mycroft was eating cake like a black hole! Six times a day cake had to be prepared for him to devour and devour he did! Sherlock made his own deductions about why Mycroft ate so much cake and the solution almost always was, the stress at his new workplace, the government or so.

After he pulled of his dirtied suit, Sherlock would always was his hair. He liked his natural curls much more, than the grease hair his mother prefered. Then it was time for homework.

Or more not... Sherlock most of the time didn´t do his homework, after all he was the most intelligent in his class and always new the answer, so why train a skill that you already excelled in? School was pretty boring for the in the future to be consulting detective. He wished he could skip, but his father would be very rough with him if he did.

Instead of doing his homework, he set up his bed as a huge ship. A pirate ship and he was the pirate "BlackCurls". Originally he wanted to call himself "Blackbeard", but he just couldn´t grow a beard as hard as he tried. He resented Mycroft, who already needed to use a razor blade to get rid of the few hairs growing on his chin.

As the pirate Black Curls he discored many new lands, there was the washmachine land (he accidently destroyed his mothers washing machine once and it kind of fell apart and that was the island), the kitchen land; where the natives lived in huge spoons and the land was made of delicious food; and of course the bath land; where he killed all the yellow ducks; because he just didn´t like yellow ducks.

Exactly on five o´clock Sherlock let his weapon fall and the play stopped, maybe he would continue it tomorrow, if it was interesting enough, and walk into the living room. He switched on the tv and watched out for the kid channel. Normally he avoided that channel, because there were so many stupid series and they were just for little babies, but everyday at five o´clock he watched the channel.

Ten minutes later his favourite program started, Maya the honey bee with her friend Willy and all the other animals that lived on the meadow.

The most intersting was Maya of course. Bees were pretty fascinating, always having something to do and being able to buzz around.

Mycroft always teased him about his favourite program, but Sherlock just ignored him, after all a program was much healthier than a stupid piece of cake.

So years later Sherlock switched around in the search for something interesting on the tv and fell upon the good old Maya the bee. And like so many years back he was watching the program with a small smile on his face.

John came back from the kitchen with fresh tea and looked a bit shocked at a smiling Sherlock watching Maya the bee, but hey, he didn´t know what Sherlock exactly thought about the small bee and he didn´t bother asking, Sherlock would after all probably not answer truthfully. Or maybe he would?


	24. Sleepover

**Hey everybody,**

**I know it´s not friday or saturday, but I just was bored and wanted to write something and suddenly this idea was in my head and I just had to write it. I hope you enjoy this little piece and write a review!**

**Have a nice day!**

* * *

><p>Sleepover<p>

"No, John!"

"But, Sherlock!"

"I said no! He is not going to sleep here, just because there is a bit of water in his flat!"

"A bit of water? He has a broken waterpipe in his flat, so there is plenty of water you could swim there!", answered the doctor with a red head. He just couldn´t understand, why Sherlock was so ignorant!

"Tch, he could sleep in a boat! Who cares?", he shouted and looked at John a bit unsure, "Not good right?"

"No, Sherlock, not good. Just let him sleep here tonight. It won´t hurt you." Sherlock grumbled something into his non-existing beard and walked into his room to shut his door with a loud bang. John winced at the loud sound and hoped that Mrs Hudson hadn´t heard that.

There was a knock on the door and Greg looked cautiously into the room, searching for the grumpy consulting detective with his eyes.

"He is sulking in his room, Greg, just come in.", said John with a sigh and rubbed his face with his right hand. It made him immensly tired dealing with Sherlock. Greg came in, he only had a small bag with him and put it on the floor right next to the door.

"That is all?"

"The rest is wet...", replied the inspector and pulled of his jacket.

"Oh, sorry. Did you already eat or are you still hungry?"

"No, I ate at the yard earlier. Thank you, John, that I can stay here for the night."

"No problem, Greg. It´s what mates do. I am only worried that Sherlock will do something."

"Surely not, Sherlock is not that evil.", replied Lestrade and that was apparently the wrong thing to say.

Greg was sleeping on an air mattress they had borrowed from Mrs Hudson. It was pretty comfortable, the inspector had to admit and he hadn´t seen Sherlock the whole evening. It was pretty peaceful and maybe he should have known, that it was just too peaceful for the worlds only consulting detectives flat.

It was three o´clock and Sherlock set his plan into action. He even dressed in black, just so he victim wouldn´t easily spot him. He positioned himself in a corner and got out his weapon.

He had gotten it from his brother to his tenth birthday and hadn´t used it in a very long time. The dark haired man put the blowing pipe to his mouth and silently shot a dart at the air mattress. He hit the target and the mattress immediately lost it´s air and Greg jumped up from the mattress, woken from the sudden loss of his comfortable sleeping ground. The inspector spotted the dart and picked it up.

"Sherlock!", shouted Lestrade, because John would never do something so ridicolous.

"For god´s sake, Sherlock!" He had spotted the hiding man and jumped up to catch him and show him what happened, when he disturbed his sleep. But Sherlock was pretty fast and more agile, also he knew his way around the flat even in the dark and so escaped to his room, while Greg stubbed his toe on every chair and piece of furniture in the flat, before he reached Sherlock´s room door.

"Open the door, Sherlock!", he shouted with rage and soon enough a pretty grumpy John was at his side.

"Did he do something stupid again?"

"Yes..." John sighed and stood in front of the door. He had bought the last one just a month ago, but it seemed like tomorrow they needed to shop for a new door yet again or maybe he wouldn´t replace the door, so Sherlock would feel more exposed when he played one of his childish games once again. While John pondered the idea of buying or not buying a new door for Sherlock´s room, he destroyed the current one with a swift kick.

"Wait here, Greg. I will "talk" to him about his manners.", said John and walked into the room.

Greg Lestrade just stared at John with amazement. You could clearly see, that it wasn´t the first time John and Sherlock had a "talk" after something like this happened.

Soon enough John came out again. Sherlock couldn´t be seen anywhere and John promised him, he wouldn´t disturb him anymore. The rest of the night Lestrade slept on the uncomfortable couch. His back hurt, but it was much better than sleeping in a wet flat.

"Good morning, Greg. I apologize for last night. Do you want tea or coffee for breakfast?", asked Sherlock the next morning and Lestrade was dumbfounded.

"T- tea, please." John smiled smugly behind the consulting detective and Greg asked himself, just how had John tamed Sherlock?


	25. How to punish Sherlock Holmes

Hey guys,

this is sort of an extra, darn I am active this days aren´t I? Many people asked what John did, so here is what I think he did.

Please enjoy this little extra and please leave a review it would make me really happy :D

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><p>How to punish a Sherlock Holmes after he did something very very stupid at three o´clock in the morning<p>

Step 1: Kick in his door.

You could say, the door is the only victim in this step of punishing Sherlock, but you can always buy a new one. John already knows a shop with cheap doors just down the street.

Step 2: Catch Sherlock

This step is slightly tricky as Sherlock Holmes apparently doesn´t WANT to be catched and he is pretty good at avoiding the stretched out arms of a certain army doctor. But when John finally catches him, he pins him against a wall, with the face to the wall of course, almost kissing it.

Step 3: Tell him what he did wrong

That is an very important step, as Sherlock won´t learn what he did wrong and will continue with his usual behaviour. So tell him what he did wrong, maybe even raise the voice, you can try out different things to find out, how he reacts best and keeps up the good behaviour. John swears on his kind of approach on this step. He talks with Sherlock like he is a child, which makes Sherlock sulk of course and then realize how childish and immature he really acts. But to sound like a father or a teacher is pretty hard, but hey everybody can learn how to act like that with time.

Step 4: Ask him, what he think is the punishment

Bad behaviour is of course punished. John just loves to ask Sherlock, because he comes up with the hardest punishments like "No experiments", "No cases" or something like that, but he knows already, that John already made up a suitable punishment, but he still tries everytime.

Step 5: Tell him the real punishment

John of course doesn´t tell it to him right of, he builts it up to tease Sherlock a bit more. Social affairs are John´s area, so when he punishes Sherlock he always picks out something to do with humans. Once he made him help Anderson move, which was pretty evil, but he had started it with putting a severed head into his bed... while he was still lying in it. This time his punishment is, to drink tea with Mrs Hudson. Sure, you would think, such an old woman is really nice, she can´t really punish him with cookies and cake. But you are wrong, because Mrs Hudson drinks tea with all her female friends and they love to poke and prod "her boys".

Step 6: Sherlock tries the puppy-dog-eyes

They don´t work on John anymore, he has an immunity to it, so his tactic never works. Sometimes he even tries to smother John to get out of his punishment, but to this day he didn´t succeed.

Step 7: Ignore Sherlock´s whines

He of course, will try to make you regret your punishment. The best way is to just ignore him and let him sulk on his own. It will show him, that you aren´t at his mercy and that you are the alpha male... Ups, sorry confused that one with the Step to Step plan at how to get your dog to behave. Hahaha. But maybe it still works, just try it out and punish Sherlock. (Only for bad things of course)


	26. Sperm Bank

**Hey guys,**

**this one was kind of inspired by Prothoe... kind of. She had the idea to make Sherlock faint from something medical, but Sherlock wouldn´t faint from drawing blood, because of his drug use and as he is the virgin you see. But it´s nothing perverted, I swear.**

**Please enjoy and review :D**

**Have a nice day/night/whatever.**

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><p>Sperm Bank<p>

"Sherlock, what´s wrong with you? You are fidgeting the whole time.", asked John and watched Sherlock for a moment. He was really looking uncomfortable, but John couldn´t think of a reason as of why.

It was just a normal case. Someone had died and now they were looking for clues to who could have done it. Okay, this time it was a bit unusual. They guy had been spending sperm in a sperm bank and there was a kid saying he was his dad and probably had his wife killed him, thinking he had been unfaithful, but that wasn´t that spectacular.

"Nothing, John. Just let us get the information and then go." The army doctor was looking at his friend carefully. He was really holding his blue scarf a tiny bit to tight, so his knuckles were white and he could almost hear Sherlock teeth grinding.

"Are you sure? You don´t look okay to me. Maybe you should sit down and drink something." Sherlock just shook his head and walked on to the reception desk of the sperm bank.

"Welcome in the sperm bank, are you here to spend sperm or are you two cuties searching for a donor?", asked the overfriendly woman. She had long blond hair and her eyes were twinkling... She is probably on drugs, thought Sherlock.

"No, erm, we are not together. Er... we are searching for information in a case. We need all the information you have about Kevin Reimund Sherman.", tried John to explain. He thought the woman was pretty, especially her eyes were beautiful and maybe he could get her number.

"Excuse me, Sir. But we don´t give out any information about our donors or about the receiver of the sperm." Sherlock swayed slightly next to John and he couldn´t really understand why. He had eaten enough this morning, John had made sure of that, and he also had had enough sleep, so why was he in such a bad condition?

"Yes, yes. We know. We are from the police, we need the information and don´t have time for your little rules to stop us!", said Sherlock and the woman looked at him with a furious stare.

"Sir, excuse my words, but you are pretty rude! Why should I tell you where to get the information!"

"Because we are from the police", bellowed Sherlock and practically shoved the police badge into her face. Wow, John had never seen Sherlock react like this just because someone said he was rude.

"Okay, okay. Just go to the donor area. It´s just down the floor to the right." They didn´t say goodbye and walked to the donor area. Sherlock really looked like he would be sick in a few seconds.

"Are you sure you are alright? You look pretty green to me."

"Must have been the broccoli from Mrs Hudson.", tried Sherlock to joke, but it sounded more like a real poor excuse.

"No, really, Sherlock. I think you should sit down.", tried John, but Sherlock didn´t want to hear anything about that.

"Move, John. As soon as we get the information and get out of here, I will feel better, okay?" John nodded still worried, but Sherlock was like always pretty stubborn and didn´t let him help.

They reached the reception desk of the donor area and there were already some little containers, waiting for donors to take them and bring them back. Sherlock seemed to look even more green, when he saw them and hurried forward.

".", he said in a rush and the receptionist looked pretty strange at him.

"Excuse me, Sir, but I can´t give you any information."

"We are from the police and need the information for a case.", said the army doctor and Sherlock flashed the badge.

"Oh, okay, wait a moment, I will just call the office upstairs and tell them you are coming."

Someone walked up to the reception and put one full container on the desk. The receptionist was smiling at the guy and thanking him. And to this day, John has to laugh about what happened after that.

Sherlock looked at the full container and he felt really sick. He tried to move to one of the toilets, but he only opened a donor room and found a man there sitting and doing... that! Sherlocks vision went black and he fainted right away.

When he woke up later with a worried John over him, he almost wanted to faint again. He was still in that blasted sperm bank.

"Are you okay now, Sherlock? You fell pretty hard."

"Yeah, yeah, I am okay."

"Why did you faint?", asked John. He had checked him over, while he was out and he hadn´t found anything wrong with his friend. Sherlock sighed wearily and shoved his curls back with his hand.

"It´s the sperm bank... I- I... Mycroft once told me a story about a sperm bank as a kid and told me what they did to the man and the sperm. I didn´t know the truth back then and now I still can´t forget the story..." John tried not to chuckle but was failing hard.

"What was the story about?"

"He said they were milking men like cows to make my favourite pudding out of it..." Now John started to laugh whole heartedly and Sherlock blushed. It was really embarrassing.

"Can we go now?", asked Sherlock already back to his old self.

"Yeah, yeah. I already got the information we needed." John laughed the whole way home and everytime he saw a pudding for the next two months.


	27. Chatting

**Hey again guys,**

**erm, I would be very happy about suggestions, have some trouble coming up with new ideas right now... And reviews are very welcome too!**

**Have a nice day and enjoy this part to yourfullest.**

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><p>Chatting<p>

Once again, Sherlock was bored. John was already mad at him, because he had buggered him with his boredom, until he had exploded and left the house with a huff and a mumble about a night out drinking with Greg.

Sherlock sighed. Why was the world so boring? Nothing interesting to explore and to learn for him and he really didn´t want to write a new article for his website. There weren´t nearly any intelligent people out there, who would understand the article and respond with an appropiate comment to his work.

Like always he was hogging John´s laptop, his was just faster and he really did take care of his things better than Sherlock. And Sherlock always knew about everything on John´s computer. Like when he downloaded more of those pictures with naked woman in them. He really didn´t understand, why the doctor like to look at them, when there were so many women right in front of their door.

But Sherlock didn´t understand many things John did. For example once he and Greg had visited one of these shaddy shops, where you could watch almost naked women dancing on stages. Of course Sherlock had also visited those places a long time ago, but he had a real reason to go in there. After all criminals and drug-dealers weren´t often found in nice high-class restaurants.

But all that thinking still didn´t solve Sherlock´s boredom, so he logged into John´s Skype account, it was not like it was very hard. John never changed his passwords, even after he knew that Sherlock had accessed his accounts and his passwords were always boring and simple.

Oh, John had a new contact, seemed to be a woman with two cats. He knew that from the quality of the pictures, obvisiously a picture, that had been taken with a handy camera. He knew that it was a woman, because she had sent John some "hugs&kisses" as soon as the account went online.

Probably just someone John had met not so long ago, maybe the woman from the coffee shop? No, no, she seemed too old for her. Maybe the new assistant in the hospital? Possible. After all Sherlock hadn´t met her yet, but John had been talking like a waterfall, like always.

It was not like Sherlock was immensly interested in the lovelife of his friend, but he was bored and why not do some good and maybe "check her out", like John always said.

LittleKitty:

Hey John +hugs & kisses+

TeaspoonManiac:

Hey there, how are you?

(Sherlock was still chuckling about the stupid name John had given himself. Sure, he drank pretty much tea, but why would he call himself teaspoon maniac? He wasn´t fifteen anymore and sure enough a teaspoon wasn´t that adventurious. He could have just named himself John the Assistent of the great Sherlock Holmes, the women would love him for that.)

LittleKitty:

I´m fine, thanks, but didn´t you want to go drinking with Greg today? :)

TeaspoonManiac:

Yes, but I thought it was not interesting enough and told him to go by himself.

LittleKitty:

Not intersting enough? But you love your nights out drinking!

After all you don´t often get an evening away from this crazy flatmate of yours.

TeaspoonManiac:

He isn´t crazy, he is brilliant!

LittleKitty:

O- kay? +looks at you strangely+

TeaspoonManiac:

Maybe... I wanted to spent the night chatting with you, getting to know you better and maybe even ask you out on a date.

(Sherlock was sure of himself, he wasn´t the grand master at flirting, but he was sure of himself to get herself to agree on a date.)

LittleKitty:

John, are you trying to hit one me? O.o

TeaspoonManiac:

Yes, of course.

LittleKitty:

Ewwwww, bad joke John. Hitting on your sister... +urgh+

(Oh, damn, thought Sherlock. John will be mad.)

TeaspoonManiac:

No, no, I wasn´t hitting on you!

LittleKitty:

...

Anyway, I am going to search for Clara. I hope you, are back to your normal self until next time.

Bye Bye

LittleKitty is now offline.

Sherlock sighed. John would kill him as soon as Harriet tried to contact her brother and ask him, why he had been acting so strangely.

Two hours later a slightly drunken and very mad John burst into the flat.

"Sherlock! Where are you? I will kill you this time for real and you will never get hold of my laptop again!", he shouted, but the flat was dark and there wasn´t any sign of his flatmate. Except for a little piece of paper stuck to the desk with a knife.

Sorry, John.

I´ve gone into hiding until you calmed down a bit.

Think again about the situation and calm down.

Will be back later with milk.

SH

And John showed him just how much he had calmed down later that night.


	28. Couch Shopping

**Hey guys,**

**sorry for the delay, but somehow I don´t have any real ideas or when I have ideas, I forget them... So if you have any suggestions for the future, I would gladly accept them and use them. Enjoy and please review :D**

**Have a nice day**

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><p>Couch Shopping<p>

"Excuse me, please.", said the doctor to the salesman at the furniture invite. Sherlock was standing close behind him and mustering the salesman with a cold glare. He really didn´t want to be here and speak to someone, who still lived with his mother and only had something like a real life in internet games.

"Yes, how can I help you, Sirs?", asked the salesman and looked at them with the "Are they a gay couple?"-Look. Sherlock rolled his eyes, while John mumbled something like:

"We aren´t a gay couple."

"We are searching for a couch, easy to clean. So know light colours."

"Okay, we have a dark leather model just over there.", said the salesman and gestured for them to follow him to a very expensive couch with real leather cover.

"No, no, no. That´s too expensive, Sherlock. You would destroy it in less than a week! And I don´t think, I would be able to get any blood stains out of the leather.", commented John and the salesman looked at him a bit shocked, but okay, maybe they had a wild sex life?

"My friend is right. It´s too expensive, aren´t there any other suitable choices?", asked Sherlock politely. The next couch was slightly better, but as Sherlock sat down on it, it was clear that they wouldn´t buy that one.

"It´s too hard! Just imagine when I lay on it for a few days without moving, I would be stiff and my whole body would hurt." Again the imagination of the salesman went wild and he started to avoid the gazes of his costumers.

"But Sherlock, it would be stable, when you experiment and once again make everything explode." The salesman´s eyes went big. Explosions?

"John, that was a one time thing, it would never happen again. After all I know now, what caused it and it will never happen again."

"Never happen again? Sure, but you will find another way to destroy our furniture! Just think about the time, where you had to try out a theory for a case on our wood table?"

"Oh, that one. The results helped greatly to save two victims in time."

"You bloody bound me to the table and then burnt it down, Sherlock! How exactly did that safe two victims?" Sherlock already wanted to start to explain the process, but John interupted him rudely.

"No, no, Sherlock. Please, don´t explain it. We are here to buy a couch and not hear your crazy theories. Sometimes you really remember me of Frankenstein, with all the body parts in our fridge and all that chemical equipment." Now the salesman was really scared, but he couldn´t just run away, maybe they just joked and soon enough there would be someone with a camera and say:

"Welcome in our show, Mr. Barnackle."

"What do you think about that couch, Sherlock? It reminds me of the old one.", said John and walked forward to another couch. The salesman watched him warily and as the doctor´s jacked rode up John´s back it revealed his gun. The doctor never went out without his gun these days. A... A gun , thought the salesman and finally snapped. He sprinted through the shop like the devil was just right behind him.

"What´s the matter with him?", asked John.

"He thinks, we are a gay masochistic couple, that tortures people and kills randomly.", answered Sherlock casually.

"That was a rhetorical question, Sherlock."

"I know. So know for the couch, it´s okay. Let´s take it and find a store clerk to show us some kitchens. And this time I want one with more cupboards, how else should I store my chemicals adequately?"


	29. Spring Cleaning

**Hey guys,**

**sorry for the delay, but my head seems so empty right now... That´s why I am not very proud of this one. But still please enjoy reading it.**

**Have a nice day and please review!**

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><p>Spring Cleaning<p>

Sherlock came back from his nightly walk through the streets of London and almost silently opened the door to walk back into the flat. The sight that greeted him, was a mess.

Everywhere were little paper towers, the harpoon was sticking out of the mess like a the mast of a ship, several bullets were strewn across the mess and it smelled like several corpses had died somewhere around the couch.

Sherlock coughed, the smell made him want to vomit and seriously, why was it so messy? Didn´t Mrs. Hudson clean up or what?

"Oh!", said Sherlock, as he remembred, that Mrs. Hudson was on holiday in Jamaica, probably tanning in the sun right now. Still, he couldn´t do any experiments in this mess, which meant that someone had to clean it up... and John was certainly not efficient enough for that job.

At three o´clock in the morning John woke up from loud banging and hearing the vacuum cleaner running. He groaned. Why? Why couldn´t he ever sleep for a full night? And what the hell was that consulting detective doing now?

Slowly he crawled out of his wonderfully warm bed and put on his dressing gown. Sleepily he shuffled down the stairs and opened the door to the flat, just to freeze in astonishment.

"Sherlock, where is the furniture?", asked John suddenly awake. The living room didn´t have any piece of furniture anymore, not a scrap!

"Not here. I have a question, John, did we ever own a bird or any other pet?", questioned Sherlock nonchalantly without really answering the doctor´s question.

"Pet? No, we never had a pet, why do you ask?" Instead of answering Sherlock showed him the corpse of something... John wasn´t even sure what it was.

"What is that, Sherlock?"

"I have two theories, it could be a bird or a rat, that was running around our flat and died under the couch... or one of my failed experiments." John almost vomited and stepped back.

"Hm, when I think of the position and the smell... Oh! It was the experiment with the expired milk, mixed with eggs and some other stuff.", exclaimed Sherlock and clapped hands, "The smell, the constitency and..." Sherlock scooped up a glop of the very nasty stuff and licked his finger.

"... the taste indicate the failed experiment." John made a nasty face, did he really just... Urgh...

"And why isn´t our furniture, where it should be?"

"I am spring cleaning, John, it was dusty and messy all because you never take care of your thinks."

"Oh, wait wait! Who is the one of the two of us, who never puts his stuff away? Right, that is you Sherlock and nobody makes a bloody spring cleaning at 3 o´clock in the morning!"

"But I was in the mood!" John gritted his teeth, he really wanted to hit the consulting detective in that moment.

"Just wait till it´s morning and I am completely awake, okay?" Sherlock nodded, he would be bored until then... Maybe he could experiment with the new glob he had found? He just needed to make sure, that John never found out about it.

A few days later, the whole flat was a mess again and John sighed. With Sherlock one could do a spring cleaning every week and it the whole flat would still be a mess. Hopefully they would find any failed experiments earlier then the last one... But that was just a wish and that kind of wishes seldom came true with a flatmate like the one and only Sherlock Holmes.


	30. Food Poisoning

**Hey guys!**

**Sorry for taking so long, but I am rather busy as I am to move in three weeks and will go on holiday for the next two weeks this thursday. Also I kinda learned how to chrochet and I got distracted just a bit xD**

**So I hope you enjoy this part and please review it, I would be very happy about that!**

**Have a nice day!**

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><p>Food Poisoning<p>

A quiet knock could be heard at the door and than John´s worried voice drifted through the thick wood into Sherlock´s room:

"Are you alright, Sherlock? I heard retching sounds earlier, are you sick?"

First there was no answer, than there was a loud thump and then the door slowly opened to reveal a very dishevilled looking consulting detectiv. He had thick rings under his bloodshot eyes, his skin was a sickly gray and sweat was glistening on his forehead.

"Yeah, I am okay.", answered Sherlock or more slurred it. John grabbed him and wanted to bring him back into his room, to lay him down, but stopped in his tracks as he smelled the familiar odor of vomit.

"Sherlock, you did puke! Why didn´t you come to me, you idiot!" John guided his weakened friend to the couch and wiped his face with a cold cloth. His skin was burning up and John already thought about the medicin he had in his medical bag. The symptoms matched food poisoning, but Sherlock seldom ate and everything he did eat, was monitored by John to be healthy and give him energy. So why did Sherlock look like hell?

"Sherlock, what did you eat in the last 24 hours?", asked John seriously, while he checked Sherlock´s heart rate and got out a thermometer.

"Erm... A salad, several cups of coffee, nothing unusual... But maybe it was the goo?"

"What goo?"

"The goo I found under the couch, I tasted it to determine what it was..." Sherlock felt really dizzy, the whole room was spinning and he couldn´t really concentrate.

"Sherlock, you really are an idiot! Next time, please refrain from trying to taste stuff you can´t recognize as edible!", scolded the doctor and shoved the thermometer into Sherlock´s mouth.

"Don´t move and wait till the thermometer beeps before you take it out.", instructed John and was on his way to make some tea for his flatmate and himself. But when he walked back into the sitting room, Sherlock struggled to stand, his face was positively green and he spat out the thermometer, running to the loo.

"Sherlock! What are you doing!", asked John and ran after him.

"What does it look like... Urgh." Sherlock was hanging over the toilet bowl and presenting her the contents of his last meal in a pretty undignified manner.

"Ups, I forgot the bucket for you.", said John with a sorry expression, but he wasn´t that sorry, after all Sherlock had woken him up at bloody three in the morning.

"Oh, please! Don´t act like you are actually sorry..." Sherlock fell back onto the cold floor and tried to relax his muscles and stop them from spasming. His mouth tasted foul and he really wanted to just brush his teeth and sleep for a very long time.

But John was having non of that, he helped him to stand up, wash out and brush his teeth and helped him back to the couch to cover him from head to toe in warm blankets. He made him drink a few cups of tea before he was finally allowed to sleep for a bit, before the next round of vomitting would start.

Luckily this time John had put a bucket right next to Sherlock´s head, so he didn´t have to get up again. Later that evening Lestrade called, while Sherlock was once again losing his bodily fluids.

"No, Greg, Sherlock won´t be able to take the case... No, no, he wasn´t arrested by the police. We already talked to that guy from the furniture shop, he just misinterpreted what we said and isn´t pestering the police about two lunatics anymore. Sherlock is just sick after tasting some kind of blob he found under the couch... Yeah, it´s kind of funny how an intelligent man can be so stupid!", John laughed heartily into the phone while Sherlock shuddered and swore, that he would never again taste anything he found under the couch, just to find what it was...


	31. Holiday Day 1

**Hey guys,**

**long times no see, right? So this is the first day of Sherlock´s and John´s holiday in spain on the island Menorca. I hope you enjoy it and had two very nice weeks like me!**

**Have fun and a nice day!**

**And please review of course!**

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><p>John´s travel diary<p>

Day 1

"John, hurry up already. You wanted to go on this stupid holiday and the Taxi isn´t going to wait until you find your bloody swimtrunks.", shouted Sherlock through the whole flat, while John was grabbing the last things so that they could drive to the airport.

He had made a list and was checking it over again.

Swimtrunks Check

Sunglasses Check

Book Check

No Gun Check

And so on.

After he finished checking over his stuff, he grabbed his bag and hurried down to the taxi, where a really grumpy Sherlock Holmes was already waiting for him.

"Oh, come on, Sherlock! The holiday will be good for you and you can even relax a bit.", tried the doctor to cheer up his flatmate.

"I won´t, how should I relax, when I have to be careful not to burn in the sun?"

"It won´t be so bad, Sherlock." The cab transported them to the airport and John was almost grateful, that they could check in immediately and didn´t have to wait very long. Their suitcases were on their way and they just had to go through the controls.

Easier said than done with Sherlock. For real, why couldn´t the genius go on holiday once in a while?

"Stop touching me, I don´t have any drugs and my flatmate also doesn´t have any. You should check over this man over there. He has some really nasty stuff with him and that woman over there has a weapon." Naturally the staff checked Sherlock over anyway and couldn´t find anything. Talking like that was suspicious and John just couldn´t be mad with them, they just did their job. Later they checked out the man and the woman and to the staffs amazement really did find the said objects.

"Idiots, if they had just listened to me...", grumbled Sherlock and sipped on a really expensive tea. But they weren´t allowed to take any bottles of water or any other fluids with them and so they had to buy something to drink from a shop inside the safety area.

"Yes, yes, Sherlock, I know, it´s nothing new to me. You are a genius and you know everything better than the staff at the airport." John ignored the nasty glare from Sherlock and just hoped that the flight to Menorca would be more relaxing, but like always it was just wishful thinking.

"John, those kids are so damn loud! I can´t even concentrate on reading this damn magazine.", complained Sherlock. The kids were still pretty small, but they weren´t that loud and Sherlock seemed to want to just complain about everything.

"Shut up, Sherlock. I want to sleep for a bit, before we land." But like always Sherlock ignored his flatmates wish and just deduced the stewardess and her false smile.

"We will now hand out some snacks for you. Please enjoy your meal.", said a stewardess through the microphone and some more helped her give out a little snack. As the stewardess with the false smile approached and wanted to give Sherlock his snack, he stopped her and John gulped.

"You shouldn´t worry so much. Your husband isn´t sleeping with your neighbour, it´s your daughters mathematic teacher. He is gay.", said Sherlock, which earned him a slap and a hateful glare from the stewardess. John was pretty happy, that they couldn´t be kicked out of a flying plane.

When they landed it was very hot outside and the small airport of the island was just cute. They collected their suitcases and caught their bus to the hotel in s´Algar. The check in was no problem, the friendly woman in the lobby gave them their key and wished them a nice stay in their hotel.

"Thank you very much, come on Sherlock to room 147." They had a bit trouble finding the room. The whole hotel was like a huge labyrinth and only after a bit more searching they found their room at the very end of the building.

"Come on, John, open that damn door, I am already melting and really need a shower." John had a bit of trouble opening the door, but when they entered they were met with a really cozy room. With only one bed.

"Oh, how nice, John. Didn´t you say, you ordered a room with separate beds?"

"I did!", tried the doctor to defend himself, but Sherlock didn´t let him.

"Yes, yes, of course, that´s why we are Mr and Mr Watson.", said Sherlock nonchalant and inspected the bathroom.

"At least we have air conditioning." John sighed, that would be very long six days with Sherlock...


	32. Holiday Day 2

**Hey guys!**

**So here is just the second day, sorry when it´s not so funny... I am quite busy moving from my homecity to Karlsruhe and yeah... It´s quite a bit of work and hell if it isn´t expensive to buy everything for your own first flat!**

**Have a nice day and I would be happy about reviews ;D**

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><p>John´s travel diary<p>

Day 2

The first in the tiny bed was horrible. Sherlock had tried to sleep for at least a bit too, which was a miracle in itself and then he had to fight of a cuddly John for the rest of the night, as his flatmate thought he was his recent girlfriend. Very nice of you, John.

That´s why the once again very grumpy consulting detective sat at the small desk together with a cheery John almost falling asleep, when there hadn´t been this disturbing noise in the restaurant. The toasting machine was screeching like a banshee and it really didn´t help Sherlock´s oncoming headache.

"And once again my favorite flatmate is grumpy! Come on, the food is great, they have a real british breakfast here." Sherlock sighed, his flatmate would never understand, why a british breakfast on a spain island was just wrong. Even if it once was british.

"John, you do realize that we are in spain, right?" His flatmate just stared at him, like he had grown a second head without any understanding and just continued to eat his breakfast. His very british breakfast.

"Look, Sherlock, just on the other side of the street we can lay down on one of those sunbeds and enjoy the sun and the cool water of the pool." Sherlock hated the sun. Or more like the sun hated him, as he always turned red like a lobster after the first five minutes in the sun.

"It will be...fun.", answered Sherlock sarcastically.

One hour later, they had needed almost one hour to bath themselves in suncream, they entered the pool area of the hotel. It was astonishingly not as full as John had expected and they used the special area of their hotel to relax.

But just as they had made themselves comfortable someone from the hotel stuff walked up to them. He seemed to be responsible for safety around the pool, but why did he come to them then?

"Excuse me? Are you from this hotel?", he asked with a heavy spainish accent and pointed to the building of their hotel and they nodded.

"Oh, good." He walked on then, it wouldn´t be the last time they would see him that day. Around midday the walked to the small local shop to buy some water so they wouldn´t dehydrate in the heat of the sun. They brought most of the bottels back to their hotel room and than returned to their sunbeds in the pool area. They were just drinking some water, as the pool boy came running once again.

"You can´t drink that water!", he exclaimed.

"Why not?"

"Just drinks from the beach bar are allowed.", he said and pointed accusingly at the water bottles, but Sherlock was having non of that. They couldn´t make him drink this expensive stuff from a beach bar.

"Excuse me, Sir, but I won´t buy my water from the beach bar, as I don´t want to pay triple of the price for one water bottle for one glass of water." The staff´s head went red and John already feared, that they would be kicked out of the pool area. Luckily an old woman came for help, because she had trouble opening her sunshade. The staff huffed once and then walked away defeated to help the old woman.

"Sherlock! Why did you do that!?"

"Because I am right and please remember that you thought the same." Sherlock was right of course, but John was never as rude as Sherlock.

"Still, what if he kicked us out of the pool area!?"

"We would just come back tomorrow, as tomorrow is his free day.", said Sherlock simply and John once again was amazed, that Sherlock was still alive as he made enemies for himself so easily.


	33. Holiday Day 3

**Hey guys,**

**sorry for the delay... again. Yes, I am guilty, kinda. Still moving but last week I was in cologne on the gamescom and erm... Warface is a really nice game xD No, jokes aside, I´ll try and maybe there will be a double update this week.**

**I hope you still enjoy this and don´t think, gosh, when will she stop with this stupid fanfic and start with something much more interesting (not anytime soon guys, sorry I am quite the stubborn girl).**

**So I should stop blabbering now and certainly hope you will enjoy this part and leave me a review.**

**Have a nice day!**

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><p>John´s travel diary<p>

Day 3

On their third day John decided that they needed a bit of a change. He wasn´t the type to just lay around tanning in his holiday. So he convinced Sherlock of a trip to the city Mahon and now they were waiting for the bus.

A big group was already waiting and the bus stop and Sherlock sighed unhappily. He missed his beloved sleek black cabs. They always cost a fortune, but they were never as full as the tube or the bloody buses.

"Sherlock, stop cursing the whole world!", John said sternly and Sherlock huffed.

"I can curse as much as I want!"

"Not when I am on my holidays!" The other tourists were already looking at them and whispering in hushed voices about their strange behaviour. John sighed, why could they never be just... normal?

"Because normal is boring, John, and you have a fetish for danger." John grumbled under his breath and Sherlock wanted to reply something to that, but was stopped by the bus arriving. They paid for their tickets and took the seats next to the door. It was already hot in the bus and the air in the bus heated even more up as more people moved into the bus.

When they finally exited the bus John was relieved about the fresh air. He had lost two pounds alone from sweating in that driving hell and the busdriver had a very "special" kind of style in driving his bus.

"And now, John? What do you want to do? Walk around and look at that stupid cultural buildings?"

"Why yes, Sherlock. That was exactly my plan."

"Oh, please. As if an old building is of any importance for a good holiday."

"Really? Then please tell me Sherlock, what is a good holiday in your opinion?"

"Remember that time when we were in New York?"

"Sherlock! That was an investigation about a double murder and it was pretty cruel!"

"So? It was the perfect holiday."

"It wasn´t a holiday, it was hell on earth, the murderer even shot you in your hand! You buggered me for two weeks that you couldn´t use your bloody phone..."

"As I already said, it was the perfect holiday." Sherlock smiled and they walked down the street. John just rolled his eyes, he had to admit the case in New York had been kinda exciting. The doctor got out his camera and made some pictures of those "boring" buildings, telling the historical story of the little island. Only as they spotted a small pirate ship for the tourists in the port of the city, Sherlock´s mood lightened up.

"Look, John! It´s a real little pirate ship!" He was acting like a child in a candy shop and John had to smile at his enthusiastic flatmate.

"Do you want to take a look?"

"Can we?"

"Sure." John grinned, he would make a picture... perfect blackmailing material for the future.


	34. Holiday Day 4

**Hey everybody,**

**so yeah, I kinda failed to upload another part last week (sorry for that). I hope you enjoy this part (I know these are kinda boring... Really need to get new ideas, any suggestions?) and yeah, till next week!**

**Please enjoy, have a nice day and OF COURSE review :D**

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><p>John´s Travel Diary<p>

Holiday in Spain

Day 4

On the fourth day John decided, that they visited the pool again. Sherlock wasn´t very happy about that, but John just ignored his protest and picked out two loungers in a more quiet area. It was a sunny day and there weren´t any clouds in the sky. It was quite the understanding, that Sherlock already hated it.

"John, it´s too hot!"

"John, those kids are very loud!"

"John, won´t you go swim with me?"

"John, stop laying around and do something with me!"

"John, how about something cold to drink?"

"John, it´s kinda windy isn´t it?"

"John..."

"What, Sherlock? What do you want? Is it the sun? The water? The bloody kids?", asked John only slightly mad his annoying flatmate and was surprised by a very red Sherlock.

"Sh- Sherlock, you are kinda... sunburned."

"Really? I don´t feel so hot. It´s quiet nice. So now that I got you out of whatever you were doing while lying in the sun. How about we walk around?" The doctor in John told him clearly, that he should get Sherlock as soon as possible out of the sun and give him enough to drink. A bit of an after-sun lotion would probably help too...

"I think, we should go back to our room. Are you sure, that you feel okay, Sherlock?"

"Yes, yes, so how about a round in the pool? I hope the water isn´t too cold." Sherlock got up a bit too fast and had to grab the lounge in order to not fall down.

"Now that I thought about it, I do feel a bit dizzy."

"No shit, Sherlock." The doctor hurried up to pick up all their things to put them away in their beach bag and grabbed his burned flatmate to bring him back to their room.

"Not so fast, John, I am not feeling so...", and then he already started to throw up his breakfast.

"Wonderful.", John thought," He has a heatstroke..." John fumbled with his keys, while he manhandled the consulting detective. Finally he opened the door and wonderful cool air welcomed them. John gently led Sherlock to the bed and he mewled slightly when his burned skin touched the bedsheets. John hurried to bring Sherlock some much needed water.

"You will drink this and mhm... three more litre. " He presented a two liter water bottle to Sherlock and put three more next to his bedside.

"What? How should I do that?"

"You put the bottle to your lips and kinda... drink?", asked John slightly confused.

"John, there isn´t enough space for all that water inside me. Remember, I have an ungregular sleeping pattern."

"Yeah, right... Still you will drink all this, you will be grateful to me for that tomorrow."

"If you think so, John."

"Of course, Sherlock, I am a doctor.", John answered, as if that was the answer to all problems in Sherlock´s life.


	35. Holiday Final

**Hey guys,**

**sorry for the long wait. My apprenticeship started a few weeks ago and it´s so much fun, but pretty exhausting too. I thought about "Normal things with Sherlock" for a long time, I don´t have many ideas anymore and I really wanna start something new and fresh... Maybe something slashy again, but only time can tell.**

**I am sorry, if some of you don´t like this kind of ending for this, but it´s not like there won´t be any funny fanfics in the future.**

**Bye bye and i really hope you enjoyed this series and will also enjoy the last chapter (reviews are still welcome, you know?)**

**Have a nice day!**

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><p>John´s Travel Diary<p>

Day 7

Sherlock had to stay in their room for the rest of the holiday and John used the the free time, to finally enjoy his holiday. He tanned a bit more and looked pretty relaxed and refreshed.

He had gone sightseeing, shopping, swimming in the sea, get massages and sit in the bar in the evening. All things he couldn´t do in Sherlock´s company. And darn, if he hadn´t enjoyed it!

He felt refreshed and had recharged his batteries, so he could run after Sherlock and work in the hospital wihtout any problems. It would probably take some time, until he could take a holiday again with Sherlock as his flatmate.

Sherlock on the other hand, looked pretty bad. He was red like a lobster. His hair was matted and his eyes glassy. The heat stroke had left it´s signs. He was still a bit out of it, but at least John hadn´t urged him to go into the dreaded sun. He would never go into the sun again! Never! His brother was a right genius to always take an umbrella with him. Okay, not a genius, maybe he was a bit clever. Nothing more.

They were on their way home now from their holiday and Sherlock was just like at the beginning of the holiday, even though a bit redder. Grumpy. He was complaining, how the plane wasn´t fast enough, that Lestrade hadn´t called them for a double triple murder (if something like that really existed) and how he already knew that their pilot was sleeping with the stewardess.

John sighed, why couldn´t the stubborn detective just say, that he missed London and get it over with? But no, he had to complain like a little child.

The other people on the plane just tried to ignore Sherlock, which was quite hard, as he was comoplaining rather loud. After fifteen minutes John just used his oropax and just remembered his holiday.

Finally they arrived at the airport and took a cab home. The doctor could swear that Sherlock was humming, humming! He had never heard Sherlock humming!

As John paid the cab driver, Sherlock stepped up to the door and opened it with a big smile. Finally home, home, home, home! Now he could continue with his experiments. There would be cases. New riddles and puzzles to solve!

It would be a wonderful few weeks, until the boredom would creep up on Sherlock again and he would shoot the wall and maybe start smoking again.

But until then, he would enjoy himself to the fullest.

John sighed. It was like they just switched roles. Like Sherlock was on holidays now and John was in his own personal hell.

But well, Sherlock was happy and it was much better to have a happy consulting detective, than a grumpy or bored one. So at least he didn´t have to pay for the damage of shooted walls, yet.


End file.
